From Time to Time
by KJaneway115
Summary: Voyager encounters a strange anomaly, and Captain Janeway disappears.  While Chakotay struggles to find her, Janeway confronts another version of her own history.
1. Prologue

_Stardate 49920.9_

_New Earth_

The warm water felt heavenly as it surrounded her body, lapping at the curve between her breasts, running in droplets down her arms. Steam rose from the heat of the water, dissipating into the cool evening air, and Kathryn Janeway lay her head back and looked up at the stars. She had always loved to look at the stars, ever since childhood, and since she had been stranded on this planet, her love of stargazing had only grown. Once in a while, like tonight, she would feel a lump in her throat as she gazed up at the twinkling, white lights that now seemed so far away. She closed her eyes, but she couldn't help the sting of tears that she felt. Somewhere, out there, among those stars, was a ship that she would never see again, and a group of people whom she loved dearly. She hadn't realized how much she loved them until they were gone.

The sound of footsteps in the brush behind her brought her back to the present moment as a soft voice called, "Kathryn?"

She swallowed, pushing her emotions down and answered, "Yes."

She could almost hear the smile on his face when he replied, "I just wanted to make sure you hadn't fallen asleep in the tub."

"Oh, no. I'm just enjoying the hot water. Even in this weather, the water stays hot. This was a wonderful gift, Chakotay." In the three months that they had been on New Earth, the weather had cooled significantly, and they could tell that there was at least some semblance of a seasonal change on the planet.

"I'm glad you like it," Chakotay replied. "And I'm glad you didn't fall asleep. I'd get really bored if you drowned," he joked.

"Mmhmm." Usually, she would have some barb to throw back at him, but right now, she was too immersed her bath to respond to his teasing. "I'll be inside in a few minutes," she said.

"No need to hurry on my account." She heard the footsteps retreat back into the house.

She didn't hurry. She sponged more of the deliciously warm water over her shoulders and her neck, feeling her tension slowly melt away as the water trickled over her collar bone and down her upper back. She and Chakotay had spent the past couple of days exploring the river in the boat that he had built, and it had been both a fun adventure and physically exhausting. They had discovered that the terrain of New Earth was almost as varied as Earth itself, with foothills that led to a mountain range to the east and a vast forest to the west. She longed to see what lay beyond the area they could reach on foot or by boat. Perhaps someday they would be able to realign the shuttle's atmospheric controls so that they could travel within the planet's atmosphere. She shook her head ruefully at herself as she drained the tub and wrapped herself in a warm towel. Adjusting to life here hadn't been easy for her, and there were still nights, like tonight, when all she wanted was to be back in the captain's chair of a starship. Yet, all in all, life with Chakotay on New Earth wasn't so bad.

He had kept his promise; he did everything he could to make her burden lighter and to make her life easier here. She had tried her best to let go of the life that she now knew she would never have; to embrace what they had here, and live this life to its fullest. It wasn't the life she would have imagined or chosen for herself, but it was the life she had, and she'd be damned if she was going to waste one day of it. So she threw herself into her gardening. She created detailed maps of the areas they explored. Chakotay teased her, asking her who was ever going to use those maps. She told him that maybe someday they would use them; or maybe someday they would have visitors who would want them. While she set her mind to any scientific inquiry she could perform without extensive research equipment, Chakotay built things. He had built the bathtub and the boat, and she knew that he was working on some new secret project. She was already bursting with anticipation, wanting to know what it was. She pulled the towel tight around her. The night air was chilly, and the temperature was dropping fast, so she hurried to the shelter. When she reached the doorway, she entered quietly, so as not to disturb Chakotay's concentration. He was leaning over something, and obviously working very hard on it. For a moment, she stood in the doorway, silently watching him.

For three months, he had been her only companion... Well, unless she could count the primates who sometimes ventured up to their doorstep. But, instead of growing tired of each other, she and Chakotay only seemed to grow closer with each passing day. He never pushed her to accept something she wasn't ready to accept, and he never joked when he saw her gazing longingly at the stars. Instead, he'd put an arm around her shoulders and draw her close to him in those moments when she thought the despair of losing her crew would overwhelm her. They never spoke of it; they didn't need to. He cooked dinner for them almost every night, and was constantly inventing new recipes for her to try. She had easily adapted to his vegetarian way of life, and each time that she enjoyed one of his new dishes, a twinkle in his eye symbolized how much her enjoyment gratified him. In the evenings, they would often sit together at the table, each working on their own projects, and sharing things with the other or exchanging ideas. Kathryn often did mathematical puzzles while Chakotay worked on his sand art, or a carving of some kind. Their relationship was comfortable. They hadn't had a discussion about "parameters" since the night he'd told her the legend of the angry warrior, a story which she kept close to her heart and not far from the forefront of her mind. In her own thoughts, she had begun to acknowledge the attraction between them that has always been present, but she was in no hurry to push their relationship to a new level. She knew that it would happen. They both did. And sometimes, the anticipation was palpable.

When he looked up from his work and met her eyes, her breath caught in her throat. This was one of those moments when the electricity between them ran strong. She saw his eyes moving over her body, to the curve of her shoulders, and the protrusion of her collar bone. His gaze moved downward, over the towel that she still held around her, down her legs, and then back up to her eyes again. "How was your bath?" he asked, his voice husky.

She cleared her throat before replying, "It was lovely, thank you." She broke his gaze and hurried past him into the safety of her bedroom, where she changed into her nightgown and robe. She sat down on her bed, lost in thought. These moments between them had grown more and more frequent. She knew that she no longer had protocol as an excuse. _Voyager_ was not coming back for them. Even if Tuvok had disobeyed her orders and contacted the Vidiians, they would have been back long before now. And Chakotay was right; they couldn't waste the present waiting for a future that might never happen. She shook her head, admonishing herself. _Kathryn__ Janeway,__you __can __command __a __starship __in __battle; __you __can __defeat __the __Kazon __and __the __Vidiians. __You __can __face __all __kinds __of __spatial __anomalies. __You __can __be __responsible __for __the __lives __of __a __hundred __and __fifty __people. __But __you __can__'__t __face __up __to __your __own __feelings?_

There were so many unknowns. What if things didn't work out? They were stranded here alone, and neither one of them could leave. What if, by some miracle, _Voyager_ did return for them, but they had already become involved. What would they do? She couldn't completely give up on that idea, as unlikely as it might be. What if one of them died before the other? It would be bad enough the way it was, to lose her best friend... but to lose yet another lover? She wasn't sure that she could take that. At the same time, Chakotay's words about sacrificing the present for a future that may never happen continued to haunt her. She knew that he was right. She was here, now, with him, and if she continued to push away her feelings, it wouldn't be fair to either of them. He had been so patient with her. She didn't deserve that.

She saw a droplet fall on the soft blue fabric of her robe. At first she thought that her hair was still dripping from the bath, but then she realized that it was a tear. She reached up and wiped her cheeks, swallowing hard and forcing her emotions down. She didn't even know why she was crying. She shook her head again and fluffed up the pillows on her bed, regaining her composure completely before venturing out into the living area.

Chakotay looked up when he heard her emerge. She caught his eyes studying her, but she smiled in an effort to push aside any concerns he might have. "What are you working on?" she asked, circling around behind him.

He was surprised to feel her hands on his shoulders as she came up behind him, and he couldn't help drawing in a breath when he felt the unexpected contact. He had started to wonder if Kathryn was ever going to acknowledge where their relationship so clearly was headed. He turned his computer screen away from her and turned to look up at her, smiling. "Are you sure you're ready to see it?"

She raised her eyebrow. "Another surprise?"

He shrugged. "Sort of. But this one needs your approval."

She moved to sit down next to him. "Now I'm really curious. You know how much I like to be asked for my opinion."

He chuckled. "Remember how I told you I was thinking of adding some rooms to the shelter?" She nodded, her eyes widening. "Well, here's a thought... at least to start out." He turned his screen towards her, anxiously watching her reaction. Janeway studied the plans carefully. Chakotay wanted to start small; only adding one or two rooms at first. She saw how the rooms could be built onto the existing shelter, but how more rooms could easily be added later. "I thought maybe we could each use our own work space," he said slowly. "I could work in here, and the new room could be your office... unless you prefer the opposite?"

"No, no, that would be fine, Chakotay." Her voice was barely audible and he glanced up with concern, but she didn't look upset. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears as she stared at the plans on the screen, but her face looked serene and the corners of her mouth were turned up in a small smile.

"I also think it's about time we had a real kitchen, with a wood burning stove and a big kitchen table. I think I could make a couple of big, comfortable chairs, and the stove could double as a fireplace for the time being. I know that you like to sit and read; I think it would be a comfortable place for you to do that." She looked up at him and put up her hand. He laced his fingers through hers in the now familiar gesture, his thumb stroking the back of her hand. He couldn't quite read the expression on her face. "What is it?" he asked quietly. "Do you like the idea?"

"It's beautiful, Chakotay. And very thoughtful. Like always. When do you plan to start?"

"Well, with your permission, I'd like to start right away. It's starting to get colder already, and we don't know what the winters are like here. I think it would be good to have a non-artificial heat source just in case."

She sat up straight, slipping back into a slightly more business-like mode, but without removing her hand from his. "Agreed. This seems like a big project; maybe you'd like some assistance."

"I don't think I can hire the monkey to help me," he joked.

She chuckled and then admonished him, "I was thinking of myself, Chakotay. The garden won't need much work when it gets cold."

His expression softened, and his thumb continued to move back and forth across the back of her hand. "I'd like that very much."

"Good." She squeezed his hand and then broke the contact, turning to her own computer screen as he turned back to his work, but she found it hard to focus and eventually stood and walked over to the window to look up at the stars.

Chakotay watched her from his place at the table. He could not deny that this beautiful, complicated, headstrong woman had taken up residence in his heart. While he, too, was sad that he would never see Earth again, and, even more so, that he would never see his friends and family again, he recognized that this exile on New Earth afforded him the opportunity to explore something that would have been denied him on _Voyager_. Since the moment that they met, he and Kathryn had been drawn together, and their bond had congealed into a close friendship. He had often wondered if it might become more than that, but he knew without a doubt that as long as concerns about the welfare of her crew and Starfleet protocols stood in the way, Kathryn Janeway would never allow herself to become embroiled in a relationship with someone under her command. He wondered, even if they were in the Delta Quadrant for the rest of their lives, if she would ever have broken the rules she had set for herself while they were on _Voyager_. But here, there were no rules. There was no protocol. There was only him and her. He knew that she was still hesitant, and afraid, although he wasn't quite sure why. He had given her time, understanding and support, and he would continue to do so. He knew that whenever things progressed between them, it would have to be because they were both certain that that was the direction they wished to take. He couldn't push her. As he watched her head tilt upward slightly, he knew that she was gazing at the stars. He could not see her face, but he could imagine the longing in her eyes as she gazed out at the endless expanse that had once been their home.

Quietly, he stood from his chair and walked up behind her, placing his arms on her shoulders. "What are you thinking?" he asked softly.

She brought one of her hands up to cover his. "I was just wondering where our crew is. What kinds of adventures they're having. I was thinking that somewhere, out in that sky, is a star that is Earth, and that my mom and Phoebe are there." Her voice caught in her throat. "I was thinking that I'll never see them again and they probably won't ever know what happened to me." Her shoulders shook with a sob, and he tightened his grip on her, giving her support. "But then, I was also thinking earlier that we have a good life here. I was thinking about how much you've done to make my life easier and better. I was thinking about how patient you've been." Her whole body convulsed in a sob and she let go of his hand, leaning forward onto the window sill for support.

He pulled her back from the window, holding her back against him, wrapping his arms around her. He lowered his mouth so that it was right next to her ear and he whispered, "Shhh, Kathryn. It's all right. I'll always do whatever I can to make your life easier. Always. And _Voyager_ will get home someday, even if we're not with them. Your mother and your sister will find out what happened to you. You've never given up before. Maybe someday you will see them again. Maybe we'll find a way of communicating. You don't ever know what will happen. What would you tell any member of our crew if they felt the way you do now? You'd tell them to keep fighting. You'd tell them not to give up hope."

Janeway's sobs subsided, and Chakotay felt her still in his arms. She broke from his embrace, turning to face him, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "How do I keep fighting and also embrace the life that we have here?" she asked.

This was not what he expected her to say and he studied her for a long time before replying. When he spoke, he chose his words carefully. "Holding onto the hope that someday your mother will know what happened to you doesn't mean that you can't live life to the fullest here. What kind of life would your mother and Phoebe want for you? They wouldn't want you to hold yourself back from... from anything... because you're spending time thinking about them."

Kathryn nodded slowly and moved her hand up to caress his cheek. "Sometimes, for me, I feel like it has to be one or the other."

"It doesn't. I remember my grandfather telling me when I was young that we always have to honor our suffering. He did that by never denying its reality, by allowing it to be a part of him. But for all the suffering that he went through, it never consumed him or dictated his life. He was still able to be happy and enjoy all that he had."

She smiled, dropping her hands down to her sides. "Thank you."

He returned the smile. "You're welcome."

He took a step away from her, ready to return to his work at the table, but she stopped him, her hand on his arm. "Chakotay."

He turned back to face her, feeling the gentle pressure of her hand on his forearm as he did so. "Kathryn?" he asked softly.

"I meant it when I said that I appreciate all you've done for me, especially your patience. I just wasn't ready to let go. I realize... I mean... I know that you've been waiting for me."

Chakotay stood, his feet frozen on the floor. He felt as though he could not speak or move. He wondered if this was real, or a dream, and held his breath as he waited for her next words.

"I can't say that I'm sure, or that I'm not afraid," she continued. "I'm hesitant to say anything, but it's not fair to either of us if I deny the way I really feel."

"How do you really feel, Kathryn?" His voice was soft, but bold; quiet, but strong.

She swallowed before continuing, but when she looked up into his eyes she found the strength and understanding she needed. She looked down and took both of his hands in hers. "I care about you a great deal," she said, slowly meeting his gaze, "in a way that can't be defined... by any parameters."

Slowly, his eyes never once leaving hers, Chakotay dropped one of Kathryn's hands and allowed his arm to snake around her waist, drawing her into him. Once the full lengths of their bodies were touching, he dropped her other hand and brought his hand up behind her head, to tangle in her hair. Her arms went around his shoulders as he gently but insistently lowered his face to hers. Kathryn felt the light pressure of his hand in her hair and the possessive support of his other hand on her lower back. As his lips met hers, she felt nothing except the length of his body pressed against her, and the pressure of his lips. He tasted of spice, and his tongue was soft and insistent, finding its way into her mouth. She gasped at the intensity of the kiss, and felt her knees weakening, but he held her steady. When he broke away, they were both breathless, their arms still around each other. They stood for a moment, foreheads touching, feeling each other's heavy breathing, and then, they raised their eyes and looked at each other, smiling.

...

_Stardate 50431.2_

The sun shone in bright streaks through the curtains, creating a striped pattern across the room. Kathryn squinted as one of the stripes hit her in the face. She turned away from the sunlight and towards the man who lay next to her, wrapping one arm over his midsection and bringing her face close to his, so she could feel the warmth of his breath. Without opening his eyes, he sensed her movement and wrapped one arm around her, pulling her close. Still mostly asleep, he pressed his lips to her forehead in a soft kiss before slipping back into oblivion.

Kathryn, on the other hand, could not fall back asleep. Much as she relished the sensation of lying in Chakotay's arms, she knew that she was too awake now to fall back to sleep. Pulling away from him slightly, she opened her eyes and studied his serene and peaceful expression as he slept. Gently, she moved her lips over his tattoo, down his cheek, to the hollow of his neck, feathering his skin with kisses. Her goal was neither to wake him or arouse him; simply to express the simple yet deep affection she had come to feel for this man.

Their exile had continued for just under a year now, and since the night of their first kiss, their romance had progressed slowly but surely. They had finished constructing the two rooms that Chakotay had planned, so she now had an office and he had a real kitchen in which to cook their meals. They had consolidated their two sleeping alcoves into one larger bedroom, and Chakotay had built a single, large bed frame, on which they now lay. Building a real bedroom was their next project, and now that the weather was warm again, it seemed like a good time to start working on it. There were still nights when Kathryn felt tears in her eyes as she looked at the stars, but those nights were fewer now. She was occupied with their home, her garden, their life. She had learned that not only gardening, but building and performing the other menial tasks that were necessary around the house were strangely fulfilling to her. There was something incredibly freeing about having no one under her command; about being free to choose her own missions and goals. Chakotay had served as a constant example in that, being naturally much more comfortable in this type of environment than she was.

In a relatively short amount of time, their relationship had reached a depth that Kathryn had never experienced before. She had been surprised each time she had realized that they crossed a new barrier, but when she looked back, it all seemed perfectly natural. In many ways, it seemed as if this was the only possible conclusion to the relationship that had begun the moment she'd first seen him on _Voyager_'s view screen. She had come to cherish every morning that she woke up next to him in bed; their winter evenings sitting curled up by the wood stove; the quiet nights when each of them were occupied with their own projects, but still enjoyed each others' silent companionship. She had always valued his counsel, advice and opinions, but now she had also come to value the depth of his feelings, the extent of his spirituality, the way that he saw the world - her, especially. It had been a long time since she had taken sheer joy in the way that a man looked at her, or felt such simple pleasure at the sight of another human being. The romantic, passionate side of herself had been something she'd had to quell on _Voyager_, but here, on New Earth, she could allow herself to fully explore her feelings and desires.

"Can't fall back asleep?" Chakotay's question snapped her back to the present moment. Her gaze had drifted to the ceiling and she hadn't realized he had been watching her. She turned and met his eyes, their faces almost touching.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked.

He smiled. "Only a minute. I like watching you think."

She kissed him, her lips meeting his gently at first, then more urgently. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and snaked her hand around the back of his head, pulling him into her. She could feel his surprise at the gesture, because it took him a moment to respond in kind, pulling her body closer to his and letting his tongue tangle with hers. He returned her passion and she could feel him growing aroused against her. But rather than let passion overwhelm him, he broke the kiss and said breathlessly, "Those must have been some thoughts you were having."

She ran her hand down his cheek, looking at him with a serious expression on her face. "I was thinking about how freeing it is to be here with you... and how happy I am."

His eyes widened at her words. Of all the things she might say to him, these were the words he had been certain he would never hear. He had no words to offer in return, only the feeling of his love for her rising in his chest, become a fire that she could see in his eyes. As she looked at him, she could see all the words that he did not say written plainly across his face. His eyes looked at her with a fiery passion that made her tremble with its strength. He had no words, but he knew exactly how to express his feelings. He pulled her to him and covered her mouth with a passionate kiss.

When they finally emerged from the bedroom, blissfully sated, Kathryn had her coffee while Chakotay made breakfast. She opened the door, testing the temperature, and discovered it was truly warm outside for the first time in months. She raised her face, letting the sun warm her, and she smiled, eyes closed, at no one in particular. Suddenly she felt strong arms encircling her from behind, and a mouth on the base of her neck. She relaxed back into the embrace. Most of their mornings were not this lazy, but every once in a while they treated themselves to a lazy start. "Breakfast is ready," he whispered in her ear.

Over breakfast, they discussed their plans for the day and the bedroom, which was next on the list for construction. Kathryn had a new idea about how to reconfigure the shuttle to use it on the planet, and she hoped to get started on it after she did her daily maintenance in the garden. Chakotay was ready to start gathering the supplies he needed to build the latest addition to their home.

It was early afternoon, and Kathryn was in the garden when she thought she heard something from inside of the house. "Chakotay!" she called, knowing he wasn't too far. "Chakotay!" It sounded like static.

Chakotay came running a moment later. "Are you all right?" he asked, out of breath.

"I'm fine. Do you hear that?" They both stood completely still and listened. The sound came again.

"It sounds like static," he said.

"That's what I thought. It sounds like it's coming from inside." Cautiously, they made their way towards the house. Kathryn didn't know how anyone could have gotten inside without them noticing. When the static came again, it sounded like it contained a message and Kathryn whirled to Chakotay, meeting his eyes. "Our communicators!" she exclaimed. At this, they broke into a run toward the shelf in the old shelter where their comm badges sat. Kathryn could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

"This is Lieutenant Tuvok to Captain Janeway or Commander Chakotay. Do you read me?"

Janeway's hand was shaking as she reached out to tap her comm badge. "We're here, Tuvok. We read you." She did not turn back to look at Chakotay.

"Captain, Commander, I trust that you are well."

"We're in the same condition as when you left us, Tuvok. Is everything all right?"

"We have managed to find a cure for your disease, Captain. We will be at your coordinates in approximately two hours."

"Very well, Lieutenant. We look forward to seeing you."

"I will contact you again when we reach orbit. Tuvok out."

Janeway stood, without moving, stunned. After nearly a year _Voyager_ had returned for them. How many months had they added to the crew's journey as a result? Without realizing that she was doing so, Kathryn began to pace.

A hand reached out and touched her arm. "Hey." She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to Chakotay, looking at him as if she had forgotten his presence. He was sitting in his chair; the one where he sat at night working on sand paintings and carvings and designs for new rooms for their house. When he saw her eyes, saw her already trying to put distance between them, he stood and took her by the shoulders. "Kathryn."

"Chakotay." Her voice broke, and she looked at the floor. Of all the situations that could have arisen, this was the one she wasn't sure how to handle.

He bent down, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Whatever happens, we'll face it together, ok?"

She raised her head, meeting his eyes with her best command face. "We better start packing," she said, and turned away from him.

Kathryn retreated to the privacy of her office, beginning to dismantle it and pack the important things into the storage containers that _Voyager_ had beamed down. They would have to replicate a few new ones, since their possessions had certainly grown over the past ten months. Her thoughts were reeling. The peace and the freedom that she had come to relish and enjoy was at an end. If what Tuvok said was true, and they had found a cure, she and Chakotay would return to _Voyager_ and to their positions as captain and first officer. She had always believed that this would make a relationship between them inadvisable at best. But here they were. She tried to imagine telling him that they had to go back to the days of their close friendship, and to leave everything they had shared on New Earth behind. She tried to figure out what she could say to make him understand. But she knew that it was not about what she would say to him, but how she could justify it to herself.

Over the past ten months, she had learned to acknowledge and express her feelings for this man. She had come to trust him in a deep and honest way. They shared an intimacy that she had rarely, if ever, experienced. On _Voyager_, she had seen the potential for this, but had known it was something they could never explore as long as they were in the Delta Quadrant. Now that they had gone down that path, was it possible to go back? Would she be able to see him every day; to touch his arm and sit across from him in her ready room; to lean over conspiratorially and gossip on the bridge; to resume their weekly "business" dinners, and forget about the life they had shared together? She clenched her jaw. _I __probably __could __do __it_, she thought. _But__ how __could __I __ask __him __to __do __the __same?_ As the depth of her feelings for him had grown, she had seen the true depth of his feelings for her. The angry warrior legend he had told her in their first few weeks here was just the tip of the iceberg. Chakotay loved her with a passion, an honesty and a depth that she wasn't sure she had ever experienced. He was unwavering in his devotion, yet never afraid to challenge her. When she had thought she would never be able to give her heart to anyone, he had gradually stolen it from her, but only because she knew that it would be safe with him, always. She felt tears sting the back of her eyelids and pushed them down.

That was how Chakotay found her, an hour later, when he finally decided it was safe to venture upstairs. He stood in the doorway, watching Kathryn's self-control as she carefully placed the last of her office in a storage container. He wished that she would scream, or cry, or throw something. But that was not his Kathryn. She was the epitome of self-control - captain to the last, her own feelings so easily buried under layers of protocol, of righteousness, of pride. "I've packed up most of the kitchen supplies that we'll take back with us. I figure some things can stay here," he said.

She looked up at him, her grey-blue eyes as hard as steel. "Thank you," she said, pausing before continuing. "Chakotay, we need to talk about this."

He sat down on a crate. "Okay." Inwardly, she marveled at his calm. For all he knew, she might be about to end their relationship, and yet, he was sitting in front of her as if they were going to talk about taking a trip together in the boat.

She took a deep breath. "I've been thinking for the past hour about how to resolve this situation. I can't come up with a good answer. I was hoping you could help me review our options." She gave a little smile as she added his title, "Commander."

"Well," he said, putting on his best first-officer-in-thought face, "the way I see it, there really is only one option, Captain."

"Really?" she asked, surprised. "And what is that?"

"I think that we have to define some parameters." He expression was completely deadpan.

She studied him carefully, placing her hands on her hips. Of all the sentences that might have come out of his mouth at that moment, this was the one she least expected to hear. "Such as?"

He stood from his crate and stood before her, with his hands behind his back. How many times had he appeared in her ready room in exactly the same posture? "No hand-holding on the bridge, for one. That's an absolute must. No kissing in your ready room, or in the briefing room after everyone else has left the meeting." He began to draw closer to her as he spoke, maintaining his serious expression, and in spite of herself, she began to smile. "We'll have to maintain separate quarters, and be discreet about spending nights together." His body was only inches away from hers now, and his hand slowly came up to encircle her waist, pulling her towards him. "We'll have to promise each other not to let our personal feelings compromise our professional judgment. We have to know that we'll be sending each other on dangerous missions all the time, and we can't allow our feelings to get in the way of what has to be done. We must always put the safety of our ship and our crew ahead of our personal desires." He paused. "I don't know, Captain. Sounds like a lot of parameters to me, and they're not going to be easy to follow. Do you think you can handle it?"

"Yes." Her voice was a whisper. This was not the conversation she had intended to have, or the answer she had intended to give him, but standing here, her face inches away from his, his arm around her waist, she knew there was no other answer that she could give.

"I'm glad to hear it," he whispered back. His other hand cupped her cheek, and his mouth found hers.

She broke the kiss and began to speak, "Chakotay..."

He shook his head, cutting her off. "Together, Kathryn. We'll face it together."

With a deep breath, she looked up into his eyes, granting him her trust anew, and for the first time since their communication with Tuvok, her eyes lit up and she gave him a genuine smile. Together. They would face it together.


	2. Chapter 1

_Captain__'__s__ log. __Stardate __53897.1_. _After __successfully __recovering__ Lieutenant __Torres, __Ensign __Kim __and __the _Delta Flyer_, __life __has __returned __to __normal __on _Voyager, _and __we __have __resumed __course __for __the __Alpha __Quadrant. __The __Doctor __has __pronounced __both __B__'__Elanna __and __Harry __fit __for __duty, __and __they __have __returned __to __their __normal __duty __shifts. __B__'__Elanna__'__s __tale __of __her __encounter __with __Kelis, __the __alien __playwright, __was __a __fascinating __one, __and __it __seems__ as __though__ her __interaction __with __the __inhabitants __of __the__ planet __was __not __a __violation __of __the__ Prime __Directive._

Captain Janeway sat back in her chair, ending the log and turning to her computer screen. Everyone had been relieved to have B'Elanna and Harry back in one piece after the _Flyer_ had crashed on an alien planet a few weeks before. Janeway keyed up the week's duty roster, examining it and approving it. She rarely had to correct Chakotay's work, and today was no exception. She began to immerse herself in studying the star charts that Seven had put together, examining the course that the former Borg had suggested for the next few months of their journey, but she was interrupted when the door chimed. "Come," she called. Commander Chakotay entered and stood before her. "What can I do for you, Commander?" she asked, glancing up from her terminal only briefly to acknowledge his presence.

"Harry's picked up an anomaly on long range sensors. I thought you'd want to know."

She looked up from her terminal, suddenly curious. "What kind of anomaly?"

"We don't know. It has a large gravitational pull, but that's about all we can tell at this range."

Her eyes lit up. "Gravitational pull? Like a wormhole?"

He shrugged, his own eyes twinkling in response to hers. "Maybe."

She stood up from her desk. "Let's check it out, Commander." She strode onto the bridge with him in tow. "Distance to the anomaly, Ensign Kim?"

"It's about one lightyear from here, Captain," Kim replied.

"Set a course and engage at warp seven, Mr. Paris."

"Aye, aye, Captain." Paris keyed in their course and the ship jumped to warp.

"Bridge to astrometrics," the Captain said.

"Yes, Captain," Seven of Nine's clear voice responded.

"Ensign Kim has picked up an anomaly on long range sensors. I trust you've detected it as well?"

"Yes, Captain. I am just beginning to collect data on the phenomenon."

Janeway stood from her chair. "I'll be right there," she said. "Commander, you have the bridge."

...

Seven was busy studying the unusual anomaly when Captain Janeway entered astrometrics and moved to join her at the console. Janeway studied Seven's readings across the large view screen. "It doesn't look like any singularity I've ever seen," the Captain said as she watched images and data scroll past.

"No," Seven agreed. "However, the anomaly does have a strong gravitational pull. I recommend keeping the ship at a distance of forty thousand kilometers. Otherwise, we may be pulled in. Even at that distance, we risk our shields being affected."

Janeway nodded slowly. "What else can you tell me about it?"

"The anomaly is approximately twenty-five thousand kilometers wide at its widest point. It has many features in common with a singularity, but there is no clear entrance point that would indicate a wormhole. It is difficult to obtain further readings at this time, due to a large amount of interference from an unknown source. I am attempting to modify our sensors to compensate."

"Good work, Seven. Keep monitoring it. Inform me of any changes."

"Yes, Captain."

...

Less than two hours later, Paris turned around in his chair and said, "Captain, we're approaching the anomaly."

"Drop us to impulse, Mr. Paris. Keep us at a safe distance of forty thousand kilometers."

"Aye, Captain."

She felt the slight shift under her as the ship dropped out of warp. "On screen," she ordered.

A vast, white spatial distortion appeared on the view screen, and she stood, moving directly behind Tom's chair as she stared at it. It resembled a white cloud, except that it glowed with a sharp intensity; its brightness was almost blinding. "Initiate a sensor sweep," she ordered.

Ensign Kim followed her instructions, but quickly replied, "The anomaly is creating a gravimetric field that's interfering with our scanners, Captain. We need to get closer."

Chakotay stood and moved to stand behind her shoulder. "If we move any closer, we risk being pulled in," he warned. "It's too risky."

"Agreed," she said, glancing over her shoulder at him. She pressed the comm and ordered, "Senior staff, please report to the briefing room."

...

When they had all assembled, she presented the problem. "Options?" she asked, when she had explained the situation.

"We may be able to cut through the gravimetric field," Tuvok suggested.

B'Elanna shook her head. "That might work, but even if the sensors could be modified, I think our readings would be spotty at best."

"What about taking a shuttle in?" asked Harry. "The _Delta__Flyer_ doesn't have the mass of _Voyager_and therefor won't be as susceptible to the gravitational forces of the anomaly."

"The _Flyer_'s shields would have to be enhanced," Tom put in.

"I believe that I could make the necessary adjustments," offered Seven.

Janeway's eyes sparkled with excitement. "How long do you need to complete the modifications?" she asked Seven.

"I believe I could make the necessary enhancements in approximately three hours."

"Good. Ensign Kim, give her a hand. Ensign Paris, you'll be with me. We launch at 1500." She took a look around the room. "Let's do it. Dismissed."

Everyone filed out of the briefing room in a hurry, anxious to get on with their mission. Only her first officer stayed behind. She would recognize the concerned expression on his face anywhere. "Don't tell me," she said. "You don't think I should go on the away mission."

He nodded. "You're right. I don't. I can collect sensor readings on an anomaly just as easily as you can."

Her eyes sparkled. "But then I'd miss the opportunity to be the first human being to see this type of anomaly up close."

He smiled at her excitement. "I didn't really think I'd be able to talk you out of it."

"Well, you thought right." She put her hand on his chest, in a gesture familiar to both of them. "I appreciate your concern, Chakotay, but I'm not going to miss an opportunity like this." She dropped her hand from his chest, breaking the contact.

He nodded. "Maybe they'll call this the Janeway Distortion."

She chuckled, exiting the briefing room. "It was never really my ambition to have a _distortion_ named after me."

...

At 1500, the _Delta __Flyer_ was ready for launch, complete with its new modifications. Tom sat in the pilot's chair, and the Captain was behind him. "Janeway to bridge. We're ready to launch." The docking bay doors opened, and they set a course for the anomaly. As they grew closer to its center, the shuttle began to rock and shake. "That's the gravitational pull of the anomaly trying to have it's way with us," the Captain observed.

"Shields are holding," Paris reported.

"Take us in nice and slow, Tom," ordered the Captain. As the shuttle approached the anomaly, readings began to appear on Janeway's console. "It looks like a quantum singularity," she mused out loud, "but not like one I've ever seen before. Can you take us in closer, Tom?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, easing the shuttle further into the anomaly.

"Here are the readings I don't understand. Tom, run a subspace scan. Localize at these coordinates." She transmitted the coordinates to his station, and Paris initiated the scanners. "I'm reading high levels of neutrinos. Try running a multiphasic scan," she ordered.

As Tom ran the scan, he checked the status of the _Flyer_'s systems. "Shields are holding," he reported, "but, Captain, I'd recommend that we don't spend much longer than another twenty minutes or so in these conditions."

"All right. That should give us enough time to finish running these scans. I still don't understand..." She cut off abruptly.

"Captain?" Paris asked.

"Chroniton particles."

"Chronitons? You mean like, time travel?"

"They usually go together, Mr. Paris."

At that moment, an alarm began to beep and the _Delta__Flyer_ jostled, forcing both Paris and Janeway to hold on to their stations for support. "Mr. Paris, report!" ordered the Captain.

"We're being pulled in towards the center of the anomaly," Paris said, frantically trying to maneuver the shuttle away from the anomaly's gravitational pull. "I don't understand it, Captain!"

"Set a course out of the anomaly. Full impulse."

Tom pressed the proper controls, and steered the _Flyer_ away from the phenomenon's center, but the ship didn't respond to his commands. "No effect. We're still being pulled in."

"I'm rerouting all emergency power to the thrusters," Janeway said. A small explosion ignited behind her, but she ignored it.

"It's not enough, Captain." Paris' hands gripped the controls. "Come on, baby, you can do it," he said, trying to coax the ship with his voice.

"Janeway to _Voyager_, please respond." But there was no answer. She tried hailing the ship again, but to no avail.

"The chronitons must be interfering with our subspace communications," said Paris. Another alarm sounded from his console. "Captain, propulsion is failing."

"I'm rerouting life support to the thrusters," she replied.

The extra power gave them the boost that they needed to break free of the anomaly's gravitational pull, and the _Flyer_ began to move away from the center of the anomaly, but now they had a new problem. "Shields are down to fifty-two percent," Paris reported.

"I'll try to hold them, Tom, but we don't have any more power to reroute. Get us out of here!"

"Yes, ma'am." At that moment, the shuttle was hit with a blinding flash of light that sent Paris hurtling out of his chair, onto the floor, and into unconsciousness.

...

"Commander, we've lost contact with the away team," Harry Kim reported when the _Delta __Flyer_ disappeared from his sensors.

Chakotay stood from his seat and moved towards the conn. "Can you get a sensor lock on the shuttle?" he asked.

"Negative," Kim replied.

"Tuvok, hail them."

"No response," said the Vulcan.

"Lieutenant Ayala, can you take us in any closer?" Chakotay asked.

"Sir, that would not be advisable," warned Tuvok. "We could become trapped in the anomaly's gravitational pull as well."

"Just a few thousand kilometers," Chakotay ordered Ayala, ignoring Tuvok's warning. He wasn't about to let the _Delta__Flyer_ disappear into an anomaly with Tom and Kathryn aboard.

"Aye, sir," Ayala replied.

"Bridge to engineering," Chakotay said.

"Torres here."

"B'Elanna, we're going to need whatever available power we have to the thrusters."

"I'll give you everything I can, Chakotay," Torres replied.

"Holding position at thirty-two thousand kilometers, sir," Ayala reported.

"Harry, run a multiphasic scan," ordered Chakotay. "See if you can locate them. Tuvok, keep trying to hail the shuttle." Both men nodded, affirming their responses.

"Sir, I am picking up something on sensors!" Harry exclaimed. "But it's badly distorted by..." He paused.

"What is it, Harry?" asked Chakotay.

"By chroniton particles," Kim finished.

Chakotay and Tuvok exchanged a grim look. "Harry, can you get a lock on the away team?" the first officer asked.

"Negative," Kim replied.

"Try changing the bandwidth," Chakotay suggested. The ship jolted, and Chakotay was thrown against the railing as he lost his balance. "Report!" he ordered.

"We are being affected by the anomaly's gravitational pull," Tuvok responded. "It is inadvisable to maintain this distance."

"Harry, have you located the _Flyer_?" Chakotay asked.

"Just one more minute, Commander. I've almost penetrated the sensor interference..." Kim paused, pressing several more buttons before continuing, "I've got the _Flyer_ on sensors. It's located only a few kilometers inside the perimeter of the anomaly."

"Lock onto the shuttle with a tractor beam," said Chakotay.

"I can't get a lock at this range," said Kim.

"Ayala, take us in closer. Be prepared to take us back out to a distance of fifty thousand kilometers on my mark."

"Aye, sir."

"Commander..." Tuvok began to speak, but was not able to finish his sentence.

"Your objection is noted, Commander," Chakotay said to him brusquely. "We don't have time to discuss this." Tuvok raised one eyebrow and returned his gaze to his console.

"Ensign Kim, inform me when you have the tractor lock." The ship began to shake more severely, and Chakotay returned to his chair where he could grip the arm rests.

"We are being pulled in," Tuvok informed him.

"I have the lock!" Harry exclaimed.

"Ayala, get us out of here!" Chakotay ordered.

"I'm trying, sir," said Ayala.

"Bridge to engineering. We need more power to the engines. Reroute auxiliary power. Take power from whatever systems you need to."

"Rerouting auxiliary power," B'Elanna's voice replied through the comm.

"I've got thrusters," reported Ayala. "We're moving away from the anomaly. Thirty five thousand kilometers. Thirty eight. Forty."

The ship stopped shaking and everyone on the bridge let out a breath. "Back us off to fifty," Chakotay ordered. "Good flying, Lieutenant." Ayala shot a grin over his shoulder at his former captain, acknowledging the compliment, and Chakotay turned his focus back to Tuvok. "Hail the _Flyer_," he ordered.

"There is no response, sir," Tuvok replied. A concerned expression crossed Chakotay's face as he asked Tuvok to scan for life signs. "There is only one life sign aboard the shuttle. It is Ensign Paris."

Chakotay felt his stomach drop. "Harry, pull the _Flyer_ into the docking bay and beam Tom directly to sickbay. I'll be there. Lieutenant Tuvok, you have the bridge." Chakotay hurriedly headed towards the turbolift, hoping that the Captain was somewhere to be found, not vaporized into oblivion.

...

Tom Paris awoke with a pounding headache. He opened his eyes and tried to sit up and assess his surroundings, but was held down by a firm hand on his shoulder. "Not so fast, Mr. Paris," said the owner of the hand.

Paris squinted, trying to adjust his eyes to the light. "Doc?" he asked. "What happened?"

"You suffered from major plasma burns when your console exploded," the Doctor said dryly.

"I have a splitting headache," Paris replied, closing his eyes. The lights were too bright; they only made his headache worse.

"This should help," the Doctor said, pressed a hypospray to his neck. Slowly the headache began to fade.

Tom heard the doors to sickbay swish open, and heard Chakotay's voice say, "How is he, Doctor?"

"Mr. Paris is on the mend, Commander."

"Can I speak to him?"

"Go right ahead," the Doctor replied. "I'm sure you'll find the ensign to be his usual, delightful self."

Chakotay moved to Paris' bedside and leaned over him, ignoring the Doctor's caustic tone. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Like my head was just trampled by a herd of targ," Paris replied. He slowly sat up with Chakotay's assistance and looked around sickbay. Suddenly, he realized that the Captain wasn't here with him. "Where's the Captain?" he asked, hoping that he had simply been the only one injured.

Chakotay grimaced. "I was hoping you could tell me."

Paris shook his head, his concern mounting. "We were having trouble pulling free of the anomaly's gravitational pull. I rerouted power to the thrusters. Shields were failing, but I thought I finally had enough power to get us out of there. Then there was a flash of bright light and... and that's all I remember before I woke up here."

Chakotay nodded. "Thank you, Ensign. When you're ready to report for duty, report to the shuttle bay. Harry and B'Elanna could use your help with the _Flyer_."

Tom nodded, watching Chakotay hurry out of sickbay. He felt an uneasiness settle in the pit of his stomach. What had happened to the Captain?

...

As she slowly regained consciousness, Kathryn Janeway's head was pounding. She felt disoriented as she opened her eyes and found herself looking into total darkness. The last thing she remembered was a flash of light as she and Tom were trying to escape the anomaly's gravitational pull. But now, she was laying on the floor, surrounded by several large storage containers. As Kathryn's eyes adjusted to the darkness, she realized that her surroundings were familiar somehow. She sat up, feeling a wave of nausea pass over her, and she grabbed a container to steady herself. The nausea passed and she drew herself to her feet slowly, trying to hold off the dizziness that made her knees feel weak. As she looked around, forcing down the dizziness and the nausea, she realized why her surroundings seemed so familiar. She was in cargo bay two. But something was wrong; something was missing. She surveyed the room, confused. Her head was still fuzzy, and it was hard for her to think clearly. She took a shaky step and then stopped dead in her tracks. She realized what was missing from cargo bay two; Seven of Nine's regeneration alcove. It wasn't here. Something was terribly wrong.


	3. Chapter 2

_Captain__'__s __personal __log. __Stardate__ 50481.5.__ It__'__s __been __about __three __weeks __since __Chakotay __and __I __returned __to _Voyager_, __and __there __has __definitely __been __a __period __of __adjustment __for __all __of __us. __I__ find __myself __slipping __into __old __habits, __and __I__'__m __finding __it __difficult __to __reconcile __Starfleet __protocols __and __regulations __with __the __reality __of __my __new... __situation. __After __nearly __a __year __of __living __in __virtual __solitude, __I __almost __feel __as __though __I __need__ to __relearn __shipboard __life. __On __top __of __that, __finding __a __balance __between __work __and __my __personal __life __has __been __challenging. __I __feel __like __we__'__ve __missed __out __on __so __much __here. __Will __we __ever __catch __up? __Every one __seems __happy __to __have __us __back, __but _Voyager _has __been __under __Tuvok__'__s __command__ for __so__ long; __will __they__ still __be__ able __to __see __me __as __their __captain?_

Janeway sat back in her chair, surveying her quarters. Both hers and Chakotay's quarters had been restored to them, even though they both insisted they were willing to take new quarters rather than force Tuvok and Tom to move again. It was strange; almost like returning from death. The crew had considered them lost, and they had thought their crew was gone forever, yet now they were back... It was strange, and Kathryn wasn't sure how to feel about it. Part of her was ecstatic to return to the thrill of exploration, of purposeful action towards a stated goal. She was happy to be reunited with her friends and to feel a renewed her hope that someday she would bring _Voyager_ home to all of their families.

Yet she missed the freedom and the lightness that she had felt on New Earth. She and Chakotay had agreed to continue their relationship, but the reality of shipboard life made that difficult. Kathryn felt herself withdrawing, gradually shutting him out of her life, retreating into her role as _Voyager_'s captain. It wasn't so much a conscious decision as it was an automatic reflex. She was confused and afraid, yet rather than admit that to herself, she threw herself into her work and pushed her feelings aside; something she had done in difficult situations throughout her life. She sighed, picking up the PADD from her desk. She had to get back to these reports, yet she found herself lost in thought.

She had learned that although the crew had nearly mutinied at first, Tuvok had refused to disobey her orders and seek out the Vidiians. For this, she was grateful to him; she would never have wanted the entire crew put at risk for a cure to their disease when they could have easily lived out their lives on New Earth. However, months later, _Voyager_ had encountered a species called the S'an Rit, whose medical technology was far more advanced even than the Vidiians'. The Doctor had presented their plight to a S'an Rit physician, and, together, they had come up with a cure. Tuvok had been prepared to take the entire ten month journey back to New Earth, but only a few weeks before their encounter with the S'an Rit, _Voyager_ had charted a wormhole; one that led backwards, along their path, and spit them out not that far from New Earth. The return trip had only added about two months of time to their journey homeward.

The door chimed. She sighed again, putting down the PADD that she had barely even begun to read. She didn't have time for interruptions right now. "Come in."

Chakotay entered, offering her another PADD. "Here's next week's duty roster, Captain."

"Thank you, Commander," she said absently, glancing over it. She looked up a moment later to realize that he was still standing in front of her. "Was there something else?"

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "There was, actually, if you have a moment."

She gestured to the remaining PADDs strewn across her desk. "I really don't, Chakotay. I have so many reports to catch up on."

"Dinner, then?" he asked.

"I just don't see how I can manage it," she said, shaking her head. "I have so much work..." He interrupted her, sitting on the corner of her desk, gently taking the PADD out of her hand and forcing her to raise her eyes to his.

"Can I call you Kathryn for a minute?" he asked softly.

Her carefully constructed facade began to fall away as she looked at him. All the work in the world couldn't take away the electricity she felt when he sat so close to her, or the love that was so apparent in his eyes. She wasn't being fair to him, and she knew it. Finally she spoke quietly, forcing herself to look at him. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. It's all been a little... overwhelming."

He took her hands in his, resting them on his lap. "I know. For me, too. That's why I wanted to talk to you." He took a deep breath. "Back on the planet," he said as he carefully avoided mentioning the name of their temporary home, "I was determined not to let you walk away from this. And I can assure you, none of my feelings have changed - about you or about us. But if what you need is for us to... redefine our parameters... then I'm willing to do that. I meant what I said, Kathryn. I want to make your burdens lighter. And if that means us not being together right now, I understand." He spoke softly, not in defeat, but with great conviction and strength.

She squeezed his hands and then released them, walking away from him to stand at the window, not wanting him to see the tears that threatened to spill out of her eyes. She crossed her arms in front of her body, hugging herself. She watched the stars whiz by out the window, but they became only blurs of light as moisture blurred her vision. While she had been immersing herself in her work and trying her best to ignore him, Chakotay had been thinking of what he could do to ease her struggle. Clearly, he had sensed it, and he was prepared to offer up even their togetherness, which he cherished, if that would make her life easier. She brushed the moisture off her cheeks and took a deep breath. "No," she said, still not turning to face him.

Chakotay was unsure of the meaning of her word. He stood from his perch on her desk and walked over to the window to stand just behind her shoulder. "No, what?" he whispered, his breath hot on her cheek.

His tone made her shiver and she turned to face him, wrapping her arms around his waist, and feeling his arms go around hers as well. "We said we would face this together, and we will. This isn't easy for me. As much as I never thought I'd be stranded on an alien world for the rest of my life, in some ways, this is much harder. It's going to take me a while to adjust, and my natural tendency will be to pull away from you. But, Chakotay, I changed on New Earth, and I liked what I was able to become there. You opened my mind to a whole new range of possibilities that I never considered before. I don't want to go back to the way things were before. I don't want to go back to the way that I was."

He smiled that crooked smile of his and pulled her close to him. She allowed herself to relax into his embrace, letting her head fall to his chest and feeling his hand come up to run itself through her hair. He kissed the top of her head. "I don't want to go back, either." They stayed there for a long time. Finally, it was Chakotay who broke the embrace. He took Kathryn's face between his hands and pressed his lips to hers in a chaste but meaningful kiss.

She stepped away from him, holding his hands in hers. "Now, I really do have to get back to work," she said.

He nodded. "Dinner?"

"That sounds lovely."

"1900. I'll cook," he offered.

"You know I can't resist your cooking," she said, giving him a wink.

He chuckled, raising his eyebrows at her. "I hope there are some other things you can't resist about me."

"We'll have to see about that. You better make it a damn good dinner."

He gave her a mock salute. "Aye, aye, Captain."

...

After determining that all traces of Seven of Nine's life on _Voyager_ had disappeared from cargo bay two, Captain Janeway approached the comm panel at the entrance to the cargo bay. She tried to access it, but her fingers seemed to slide right over the screen, as if her hands weren't touching it at all. Then, she noticed the stardate printed at the top of the panel: 50481.5. Her mind began to spin. _50481.5?_ That was nearly three years ago. Suddenly, realization dawned on her. Time travel. No wonder she had a splitting headache. Had the whole ship traveled back in time, or only her? There was only one way to find out. She walked towards the doors, moving to exit the cargo bay...

Nothing happened. No matter how close she came to them, the doors wouldn't open. She tried the manual override, but was met with the same response as she had felt when she tried to use the comm panel; it was as if her fingers weren't touching anything at all. "Janeway to bridge," she said, tapping her communicator. There was no response. She tried again; again, no response. "Janeway to engineering." Silence. "This is the Captain. Is there anyone on board?" Nothing.

Had she been transported alone then? Had she been thrown into the past to a deserted ship? She had to get out of this cargo bay, but with the doors not responding, and the comm panel inactive, she was running out of options. She had just decided to try the Jefferies tubes when the doors to the cargo bay swished open and she heard a familiar voice.

"I know it's in here somewhere," the voice said.

"Neelix!" Janeway exclaimed. It only took her a moment to realize that he hadn't heard her. He was rummaging around in a storage container, muttering to himself.

"I know I packed it safe somewhere after the last time I used it... Now if I could just remember where that was."

The Captain approached him, so that she stood directly behind him. "Mr. Neelix," she said, "can you hear me?" He did not indicate that he had heard her or even had an idea that anyone else was in the room.

"Ah! Here it is!" he exclaimed, pulling an oddly shaped pan out of the storage container. "My terranut souffle pan. I knew it was here somewhere." He took the pan and turned to exit the cargo bay; Janeway was right on his heels.

"I don't know what's going on here, Mr. Neelix," she was saying, "but I'm going to figure it out." She jogged out in front of him, and stood directly in his path. He would have to run straight into her; surely, then, he would notice her presence, even if she had somehow become invisible. She stood, bracing herself for the impact of his body, but it never came. Neelix had simply continued walking down the corridor, and Janeway realized that he hadn't walked _past_ her, he had walked _through_ her. She continued to follow Neelix, her mind racing.

Was this another encounter with the alien who had tried to get her to go with him to his matrix? If it was, he had changed tactics drastically by sending her back in time. It seemed unlikely. In the anomaly, she and Tom had detected chroniton particles, so the actual explanation most likely had to do with time travel. She had traveled back in time approximately three years. Why couldn't anyone see her? If Neelix could walk right through her, did that mean she could walk through people? Did it mean she could walk through a bulkhead without behind harmed? Was she somehow out of phase with the rest of the ship? That might explain why no one could see her and why the ship's sensors didn't seem to recognize her presence. Neelix had entered the mess hall, and she followed him, paying no heed to the doors that were closing as she walked inside. Then, she turned back and blinked twice, looking at the now closed doors. She had walked _through_ the doors as they were closing. She had to test her theory, now that the doors were completely shut. Taking a breath, she began to walk out of the mess hall. She shut her eyes in anticipation of ramming into a solid object, but opened them in surprise a moment later, realizing she was outside of the room, on the other side of the doors. _This_ was interesting.

She wondered if there was another version of herself on this _Voyager_. So far, she had not noticed any radical changes that would indicate this universe was vastly different from her own. The crewmen in the mess hall had all been wearing Starfleet uniforms, and had seemed carefree and at ease. She hadn't stumbled into an alternate universe where the Maquis had taken control of the ship, or where they were locked in a war with some hostile alien race. She thought back. Stardate 50481. That would have been just after their encounter with Marayna, the lonely alien in the inversion nebula, who had tried to keep Tuvok with her for companionship, and just before... just before her encounter with the alien and his matrix. Her suspicions mounted. Perhaps he was here, after all. If that was so, she only had to wait for him to show up; this time, she knew how to deal with him. She began to walk the corridors. If that _was_ so, why hadn't he shown up yet? Could the timing be just a coincidence?

She found herself walking to the bridge. It was definitively strange being able to walk _through_ the bulkheads. Absently, she wondered if she could walk _through_ the comm panel, or _through_ the decks into space. She wondered what would happen to her if she tried, but she wasn't about to experiment with that. As she emerged onto the bridge, she stopped moving. Tuvok stood at tactical; Harry at ops; Tom at the conn... Everything and everyone seemed exactly in place. Slowly, she crossed down to the command level... and felt as if she was looking in a mirror. Well, it wasn't a mirror exactly.

This Kathryn Janeway was three years younger than her; her face weathered by fewer lines; her brow less furrowed; her expression less severe. Her hair was long and pulled back in a ponytail. She didn't have quite the same ease on the bridge that Kathryn now had, but she had a bounce in her step and a sparkle in her eye that Janeway feared she had now lost. She watched as her younger self checked in with the members of the bridge crew and then left the bridge in Tuvok's capable hands. Anxious to find out as much about _Voyager_ and herself in this timeline as possible, Kathryn followed her.

In the turbolift, she noticed the younger Kathryn fiddling nervously with her comm badge and shifting her weight from her toes to her heels and back again. What was she so nervous about? Kathryn couldn't imagine. She followed her into her... their... quarters where the younger Kathryn proceeded to change into a simple, royal blue dress. The older Janeway eyed her curiously. If she didn't know better, she'd say she was getting dressed for a date. When she saw her younger self replicate a bottle of wine, her suspicions were all but confirmed. But a date with who? She had a hard time imagining any circumstances in which she would have allowed herself to become involved with a member of her own crew. Perhaps she had met someone on alien world they had visited in this timeline but not in her own?

She followed the younger Kathryn out of her quarters and down the corridor, but as she did so, the older Janeway's footsteps began to slow. She knew where they were headed, and she wasn't sure that this was a reality she wanted to see. She watched with trepidation as she saw herself ring the door chime to Chakotay's quarters. She saw him greet her at the door with a kiss on the cheek... already a gesture beyond what she would allow in her own time... and then she saw herself disappear inside.

Janeway knew that she should leave them to their privacy, but she was burning with curiosity. Besides, she told herself, she needed to find out as much information about this timeline as she could. If her suspicions about what had happened to her were correct, she needed to know about where she was and who she was dealing with. Maybe she could learn some piece of information that would help her get back to her own universe. At least, that was what she told herself. In truth, she simply could not resist her own curiosity about this Janeway's relationship with her first officer. She stepped through the door into Chakotay's familiar quarters.

The table was set for two, complete with candles and soft jazz playing in the background. Chakotay was standing over a burner, stirring the contents of a large pot. "It's nothing fancy," he was saying. "Just chili. And I replicated some corn bread to go with it."

"I brought a bottle of red wine. I hope it goes," the Captain replied.

Chakotay took the wine from her, kissing her on the cheek again. "I'm sure it will be delicious. Now, have a seat. Dinner's almost ready." Kathryn sat down at the table while Chakotay served the food and brought the corn bread from the replicator. He opened the wine and poured them each a glass, then sat down across from her.

She raised her glass to him and said softly, "To figuring things out... together."

He smiled, clinking his glass to hers. They both drank, their eyes not breaking from each other's gaze. He held her gaze for a moment longer, and they seemed to share a special secret in that moment; one that the older Kathryn could not discover or conceive. Then the moment ended, and he said with a grin, "Dig in."

Kathryn tasted the chili. "Ah, Chakotay, it's delicious!"

"We didn't have beans on New Earth, or I would have made it for you there," he said. This easy reference to their exile surprised the older Kathryn, who still stood, invisible, just inside the door. It was a subject that, by tacit agreement, she and her own first officer never discussed.

"That's all right," the younger Janeway replied. "I enjoyed all your cooking there so much." This was true, mused her unseen counterpart; she had very much enjoyed Chakotay's cooking on New Earth, but she still wondered at the ease with which the couple in front of her discussed it. She watched herself put up her hand, and watched Chakotay interlace his fingers with hers. Kathryn's face became serious as she sought his eyes.

"Kathryn?" he asked softly. His voice held a tone of gentle, comfortable intimacy. It was a tone that the older Kathryn had not heard in a long time... perhaps since New Earth. She felt herself take a deep breath, watching her own reaction. Her younger self seemed to take his tone for granted; her breath did not catch in her throat.

She watched herself struggle with her emotions, obviously wanting to express something that was hard for her to say. Finally, she said, "I want you to know how much your offer meant to me earlier."

"I was serious, Kathryn."

"I know you were. And so was I. I appreciate your gesture more than you know, Chakotay. This is going to be anything but easy for both of us. But I owe you... I owe _us_ more of a chance than that. I realize that it's going to take time for us to figure out how this works on the ship, but I owe it to both of us to take that time."

He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, and when he replied, his voice was almost a whisper. "I'm glad to hear you say that." Unlike her, he wore his heart on his sleeve sometimes, and at this moment, he was completely open and vulnerable to her. He did not cry, but he did nothing to hide the tears that welled up just behind his eyes. Not letting go of her hand, but shifting his grip, he walked around the table to stand in front of her. She stood to meet him, and brought her free hand up to caress his cheek, tilting her face up towards his. He lowered his lips to hers in a gentle kiss, and then let go of her hand, wrapping both of his arms around her waist as her arms went around his shoulders. "We haven't had very much time alone since we got back, have we?" he whispered seductively.

"No, we haven't." The older Kathryn could barely hear her counterpart's reply as she watched the couple kiss passionately. She turned away, blinking back tears, and exited Chakotay's quarters, leaving the couple to their privacy. She sifted slowly through her thoughts, trying to uncover an explanation for what she had seen.

...

_First __officer__'__s __log. __Stardate__53897.8. __Captain __Janeway __has __mysteriously __disappeared __into __an __unclassified__ spatial __anomaly. __We __have __no __reason__ to __believe __that __she __is __dead,__ but __thus __far, __all __attempts __to __uncover__ her __whereabouts __have __been __unsuccessful. __Harry,__ B__'__Elanna __and __Seven __of __Nine __are __analyzing __the __data __gathered __by __the _Delta Flyer _during__ the __away __mission __in __hopes __that __it __will __yield __some__ clues._

Chakotay sighed, sitting back in the chair at the ready room desk. Anxiously, he tapped his fingers on the desk. He had been waiting for a call from B'Elanna or Seven, telling him that they had found some new data that would shed light on what had happened to Captain Janeway. He had been on edge ever since her disappearance, and the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach seemed unlikely to dissipate any time soon. Inwardly, he cursed himself for letting her go on the away mission; he should have gone himself. But he knew that it was unlikely that he could have dissuaded her, that they couldn't have foreseen this danger, and that it wouldn't be any better if he had been the one taken, and she had now been sitting in this chair, looking for any sign of him.

Despite himself, he smiled ruefully at the situation. How many times had he been here, anxiously awaiting the return of Captain Janeway? How many times had he stood by her side as she had awoken in sickbay? How many times had he had to look for her after she had disappeared, been kidnapped by hostile aliens, or been lost in some spatial distortion? He had lost count long ago. And how many times had she done the same for him? At least as many.

Unable to concentrate on the duty roster and the engineering report on the PADDs in front of him, he allowed his thoughts to drift. There was no defining his relationship with Kathryn Janeway. She was the woman in his life; of this he was certain. Yet, their physical relationship had never exceeded an arm around her shoulders, a comforting embrace, a chaste kiss during a moonlight sail on Lake George. On New Earth, they had almost broken these barriers, but that had been years ago, and Chakotay rarely thought about that time; he tried not to, and imagined that Kathryn did the same.

"Seven of Nine to Commander Chakotay." The voice over the comm system snapped him out of his reverie.

"Chakotay here."

"Commander, please report to astrometrics."

"On my way." Chakotay strode into astrometrics a few minutes later, anxious to hear what the team had discovered. Seven, B'Elanna and Harry were all standing around one of the astrometrics consoles, looking up at the large view screen. "Report," Chakotay ordered.

"We've analyzed the data collected from the _Flyer_ and cross referenced it with _Voyager_'s database as well as the knowledge of the Borg," said Seven.

"And?" the Commander asked.

"We're looking at some kind of temporal wormhole," Harry reported, obviously proud of their discovery.

"A temporal wormhole?" Chakotay asked.

"We didn't recognize it as a wormhole at first because of the large amount of interference created by the chroniton flux," B'Elanna explained. "But when we analyzed the sensor data from the _Flyer_, we realized that the anomaly does have an access point."

"Actually, we believe it has more than one," Seven pointed out. "Part of the _Delta __Flyer_ must have intersected one of the access points, and the Captain must have been drawn into the wormhole.

"Do we know where these access points lead?"

"Not yet," B'Elanna answered. "We'd like to launch a series of probes into the anomaly to get an idea of where these access points lead to. The problem is, there's no guarantee that our probe will enter the same access point as the Captain did."

"What if we use the _Flyer_'s telemetry and send a probe to its exact location at the time of the Captain's disappearance?" Harry asked.

Seven pressed a few controls and changed the display on the view screen, so it showed the _Flyer_'s course inside the anomaly. "We can attempt to do that, but we have no way of knowing whether the access points are stable," Seven said. "They may not remain in the same location."

"Still, it sounds like it's worth a try," Chakotay said. "Launch the probes. Let's see just where this temporal wormhole leads." As he exited astrometrics, he found that the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach had lessened slightly, and he felt exhilarated by the ability to take action. He just hoped that this wasn't one of those one-way wormholes, that you could go through in one direction, but never come back.


	4. Chapter 3

Kathryn had spent most of the night walking the decks, deep in thought. This ship didn't seem all that different from her own. The crew interacted in much the same way; they seemed to have the same positions, the same histories... In fact, the only discernible difference between this _Voyager_ and her own was the relationship between its commanding officers. This was something she had pondered for much of the night; what could have led her, three years ago, to begin a relationship with Chakotay? One of the things that had puzzled her about the conversation she had witnessed was their easy willingness to talk about New Earth. They talked about it almost as if... almost as if they had just been there.

This idea gave her pause. Perhaps that was where this timeline had broken off from hers. Perhaps, in this timeframe, Tuvok had obeyed her orders, leaving this captain and first officer stranded on the planet for a much longer time period. Mentally, she did the calculations. If they had just been rescued from New Earth, that meant that this Kathryn and Chakotay had been stranded there for nearly a year. She closed her eyes, thinking back, trying to imagine what she would have done at that time. If she and Chakotay had already been in a relationship when _Voyager_ had returned for them; if they had been in a relationship that had already lasted almost a year, would she give it up to return to their command structure? Would she have asked _him_ to give it up? She didn't know. From where she stood now, it seemed impossible that she would have ever allowed herself to be involved with a subordinate... especially in a situation as complicated as _Voyager_'s was. But that was now, with three years of life in the Delta Quadrant behind her and with the foreknowledge of all the hostilities this crew was about to face; of all the times she would see him nearly killed in action; all the times that he would stand by her bedside as she woke up in sickbay; all the times that they would argue bitterly over the right course of action. Three years ago, what would she have done? Opening her eyes, she sighed. There was no way for her to answer that question now, and she had to accept that there might have been a set of circumstances under which she would have allowed the relationship to occur and to continue.

Resuming her walk, she cleared her head. In turn with her thoughts about the command team's romance, alternated her questions about how she was going to get out of here and back to her own ship. The first thing she had to do, she knew, was get this crew to acknowledge her presence. Unable to affect the physical space around her, she knew that wasn't going to be easy. Perhaps Tuvok would be able to sense her presence somehow, or... Kes! In this time, Kes should still be on _Voyager_, unless that was another deviation from her own timeline. But she was willing to bet that Kes was here. She set off at a jog, wondering where Kes might be at this hour. Her quarters? The mess hall? Janeway smiled. The airponics bay. That was where Kes had come to spend a good portion of her time. If she was on this _Voyager_, chances were good that she would be there.

When Kathryn stepped through the door of the airponics bay, she inhaled the sweet aroma of flowers, mixed with the pungent scent of herbs. She looked around, and couldn't help but smile. Airponics had never quite been the same after Kes had left the ship, and the elfin woman's presence was something that she missed greatly on those few occasions that she allowed herself the indulgence of memory. As she stood in airponics now, memories of Kes and her time on _Voyager _flooded her thoughts. Suddenly, Janeway heard a melodious voice from the corner.

"Hello?" the voice called softly, its tones soothing by nature. "Is anyone there?"

Janeway's breath caught in her throat as Kes emerged from behind a shelf of plants, looking around with large, curious eyes. Kathryn had been unprepared for the effect that the sight of the younger woman would have on her, and unexpected tears came to her eyes as she stared at her friend whom she had not seen in three years. "I'm here, Kes," she said softly. "Can you see me?"

The Ocampan woman glanced around and then returned to her gardening. "That's strange," she murmured. "I could have sworn that someone else came into the room." She carefully tended her plants, pruning them and watering them.

Janeway walked up behind her, trying to touch the woman's shoulders, but as usual, her hands felt as though they were touching nothing but air. "Someone did come into the room, Kes. It's Captain Janeway. Can you hear me?"

Kes froze, her attention drawn away from her plants once more, and looked around the room. She turned so that her face was only inches from Janeway's, but she still appeared to see right through her. Seeing no one, she tapped her comm badge. "Kes to the bridge."

"Tuvok here," came the reply. "Are you all right, Kes?"

"Yes, Tuvok, I'm fine. I was wondering if you could tell me something. Are there any life signs in the airponics bay with me?"

There was a pause as someone on the bridge scanned the bay, and Tuvok's reply came back, "Negative. There is only one life sign in the airponics bay: yours."

"Thank you," Kes replied. "Sorry to bother you. Kes out." The link severed, Kes shook her head, admonishing herself. "I must be more exhausted than I thought," she said, turning to exit the bay. Janeway stayed with her as she walked, finally running out in front of her and forcing her to walk directly through her as Neelix had earlier. At this, Kes stopped, looking around the corridor in confusion. She tapped her comm badge again. "Kes to Commander Tuvok."

"Tuvok here."

"Sir, I need to speak to you right away." Kes picked up her pace as she hurried through the corridors to the bridge, with Janeway at her heels. When they arrived on the bridge, Tuvok escorted Kes into the briefing room and Janeway followed.

"What is wrong, Kes?" the Vulcan asked.

"There's an intruder aboard," she said breathlessly.

"An intruder? Where did you see an intruder?"

Kes shook her head. "I didn't see anyone, exactly. I sensed a presence in the airponics bay. At first I thought it was just in my mind, or that I was just overtired, but then I sensed it again in the corridor. I'm sure I wasn't imagining it."

"What can you tell me about this presence?" asked Tuvok.

Kes began to pace back and forth across the briefing room. "I don't know. When I was the in the airponics bay, I thought I heard someone enter, but when I looked around no one was there. That's when I asked you to scan for life signs."

"Curious," said Tuvok. "If there was a presence in the room with you, it did not appear on our sensors." He paused, studying Kes carefully. "Could you sense the presence's intentions? Were they malevolent?"

"I don't think so," Kes replied as she stopped pacing. "At least, I didn't sense any malice."

"Can you show me the exact location in the corridor where you felt the presence?"

"I think so," Kes replied. Tuvok nodded to her, and he followed her out the door, Janeway's invisible form close on their heels. She smiled. This was more like it.

...

_It__ was __warm,__ and __safe __in __the __bed __that __Chakotay __had __built __for__ them,__ his __arms__ wrapped __securely __around __her, __her __face __nestled __into __his __neck. __She __felt __protected __and __at __ease,__ as __if __life __were __simple __and __decisions __clear... __For __one __brief __moment, __she __realized__ that __she__'__d__ never __had__ to __take __any__ of __the __tragedies __of __her __life __seriously..._

Janeway slowly opened her eyes, thinking that she had been dreaming. This was not New Earth. She was back on _Voyager_, and things were neither simple nor clear any longer. But then she became aware of the warm body next to her, of the protective arms that still held her in the exact position in which she'd fallen asleep, and she sighed with contentment. For the first time since their return from New Earth three weeks ago, Chakotay's presence in her bed was not a dream. She glanced at the chronometer. 0436. They had about an hour before they had to report to the bridge, which probably meant she should wake him.

She smiled to herself. A year ago, she would have thought that waking up with Chakotay in bed next to her on _Voyager _would be impossible. But here they were. Sometimes she felt like she had to stretch her mind to wrap it around this idea, but as much as she respected and adhered to Starfleet protocols and ideals, she had never been the type to play things completely by the book. Their circumstances in the Delta Quadrant had forced her to bend a lot of rules, although had they never been stranded on New Earth, she was sure that this would not have been one of them. Yet, things had happened the way that they had, and she couldn't change that now. She had meant what she said the day before; she didn't want to go back to the way things had been. It would be like trying to erase a part of herself, and a part of him. She knew she could do it if she had to, but she didn't think she could bear to watch him do the same. What would it do to him, to try to eradicate his feelings for her? What would it do to _them_? She felt Chakotay shift beside her and pull her closer to him, his morning erection pushing into her belly. "Chakotay," she whispered, "we have to get up."

"I'm already up," he murmured, grasping her from behind and pulling her into his hardness.

She chuckled. "I meant it's time to get out of bed."

He slowly opened his eyes, his face only inches from her own, and pulled her into a deep kiss. When he broke from the kiss, he released his tight hold on her body and lay there, looking deeply into her eyes. He reached over and brushed a stray tendril of hair out of her face. "I love waking up next to you, Kathryn," he said softly.

Her eyes widened and she felt herself draw in a shaky breath. It was not so much his words as his tone that affected her. It was infinitely gentle, yet passionate; strong, yet loving; protective, reverent, and laced with the smallest tinge of fear. She knew he could see how deeply she'd been affected by his statement from the way that he looked back at her with compassion and love. She reached out and traced his tattoo with her fingers, cupping his cheek in her hand. "You can use the shower first, if you want. I'll make us some breakfast."

He grinned at her. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather _I_ made breakfast?"

She swatted his arm, gave him a quick kiss and rolled out of bed. "I think I can handle toast and eggs, thank you very much."

"Whatever you say," he replied, raising an eyebrow and heading for the sonic shower.

They were in the middle of their breakfast, which Kathryn had actually managed not to ruin, when they heard Tuvok's voice over the comm system, "Bridge to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here," she replied, hitting her comm badge.

"We are picking up some anomalous readings. Please report to the bridge."

"I'm on my way." She looked ruefully at Chakotay and then at their half eaten breakfast.

He shrugged. "Duty calls." She nodded, and he followed her out the door as they walked swiftly to the bridge.

When they arrived, she went over to Tuvok's station to look at his readings, and Chakotay sat down in his chair, observing the readings on his own console. "Report," she ordered.

"We have picked up a spatial distortion approximately thirty thousand kilometers off the port bough," Tuvok explained. "We are reading high levels of neutrinos and chroniton particles."

"Chronitons?" Janeway was immediately suspicious. She hadn't had much experience with time travel, and she wasn't about to start now. She turned to the view screen and walked down to the lower level of the bridge. "On screen," she ordered. On the screen in front of them appeared a tiny white dot. It was barely visible to their eyes.

"Magnify," ordered Chakotay. As Tuvok increased the magnification of the image, they could see that the white dot was some sort of vortex in space.

"Is it a wormhole?" Janeway asked, suddenly feeling hopeful.

"It does share many of a wormhole's properties," Tuvok replied. "But the chroniton particles it emits indicate that it is in a state of temporal flux."

"Captain, I suggest we launch a probe," said Chakotay, standing from his chair.

"Do it," she replied. "Let's find out where this wormhole leads. And when." She crossed to the Captain's chair and sat down.

Unbeknownst to the bridge crew, another Kathryn Janeway was standing on the bridge, just behind Tuvok's station, observing his readings. She had little doubt that this was the same anomaly that she had encountered in her own timeframe; the one that had brought her here. The fact that it had appeared in this timeline as well, albeit much smaller, suggested that there was a way for her to get back. But she still had to get this crew to recognize her presence. Tuvok had run scans of the corridors where Kes had seen her, but so far had come up with nothing. She had to get him to run an interphasic scan. But how?

"Captain, there is one other thing you should know," Tuvok said.

"What is it?" she asked, turning in her chair to look at Tuvok.

"Last night, Kes reported sensing a presence with her in the airponics bay."

This brought the Captain to her feet again. "A presence? What kind of presence?"

"Unknown. I scanned the area where she reported sensing the presence, but my scans turned up nothing. While the appearance of this anomaly may just be a coincidence, there also may be some connection between it and the presence that Kes sensed."

"Run a multiphasic scan of the whole ship," the Captain ordered. She sat back down in her chair and turned to Chakotay. "Thoughts?" she asked softly.

"If we do have an intruder on board, maybe they came through the wormhole," he suggested. "If the wormhole is in a state of temporal flux, maybe we should scan the ship for chroniton particles as well."

She nodded. "Do it."

From behind Tuvok's station, the older Captain Janeway smiled. Leave it to Chakotay to come up with the right idea at the right time. A few minutes later, Chakotay said, "I'm picking up several chroniton fields scattered around the ship."

Tuvok concurred, "My scans have picked up the same phenomenon, Captain."

"Where?" she asked.

"Cargo bay two, the mess hall, the airponics bay..." Chakotay paused and then added, "My quarters."

Janeway's eyes snapped up to his, and they exchanged an unreadable glance. She tapped the comm panel. "Senior staff, report to the briefing room."

When everyone was assembled, Tuvok set one of the display panels to show a schematic of the ship, highlighting each location where a chroniton field had appeared. "When did these fields first appear?" the Captain asked.

"They seem to have appeared at varying times," Tuvok said. "The first one to appear is the chroniton field in cargo bay two. Our sensors indicate that it appeared at approximately 1730 hours yesterday. The one in the mess hall appeared shortly after that, then the one on the bridge, and the one in Commander Chakotay's quarters at approximately 1900. The chroniton field in the airponics bay appeared at approximately 0400, right around the time that Kes says she felt a presence in the room."

Janeway looked around the table at her senior staff. "Any idea where these chroniton fields might have come from?"

"They could be related to the anomaly somehow," B'Elanna suggested. "Perhaps we've somehow intersected it over the past several hours."

"Wouldn't we have been able to detect that?" asked Tom.

"Not if the anomaly is in a state of temporal flux. We may have been close to it without being able to detect it, if it was somehow out of sync with our own timeframe," Torres replied.

Kes spoke up, "But that doesn't explain the presence I felt in the corridor or in the airponics bay."

"It is logical to assume that since the appearance of the chroniton field in the airponics bay coincides with the time that Kes felt a presence there, they are connected," said Tuvok, moving away from the screen and taking his seat.

"I remember reading something at the Academy about chroniton fields appearing like this on the _Enterprise_," said Harry. "I think that it had something to do with two of their officers being out phase with the rest of the ship."

"It is possible that someone came aboard _Voyager_ from the wormhole," reasoned Chakotay. "Perhaps we can't see them because they're out of phase with our timeframe."

Janeway locked eyes with him, sharing her thoughts with him without a single word. Whoever that person was had been in his quarters during their dinner last night, or at least it seemed that way. Aloud she said, "An alien presence that is invisible to us? I don't like the idea of being spied on."

From the corner of the briefing room, the elder Janeway chuckled. _Oh ,__Kathryn,__ if __you __only __knew_, she mused. _Will__ you __like __it __less __or __more __when __you __discover __that __the __person __spying__ on__ you __was__ yourself?_

"Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Torres, let's see if we can prove this hypothesis. Work on a way to make our alien guest visible to us. Use our databanks to research what happened on the _Enterprise_ and find out how they got their missing crewmen back. Commander Chakotay, keep monitoring the chroniton fields. Let me know as soon as a new one appears."

"Aye, Captain," he replied.

"Dismissed." They all left the briefing room and returned to their stations; Tuvok, Kim and Torres heading to engineering to begin work on their problem.

As soon as Chakotay sat down in his chair and examined his console, he turned to the Captain, seated next to him. "Captain, a new chroniton field just appeared in the briefing room."

She looked at him, her eyes wide. They were definitely being watched by someone. The question was, who, and what did they want?

...

Chakotay stood in the astrometrics lab, arms crossed over his chest, watching the array of probes spread out over the anomaly.

"The probes are transmitting," B'Elanna informed him. They had launched three probes to the general area where the Captain had disappeared. They could only hope that one of them would find the same exit aperture that had taken her.

"On screen," Chakotay ordered. The transmissions of the probes appeared in three different boxes on the screen above them.

"The probes have all entered the anomaly," Seven reported. "We are receiving telemetry." The three of them watched as the probes transmitted images from the interior of the anomaly. There was little to see but a bright white light. Suddenly, one of the boxes went black.

"What happened?" Chakotay asked.

"The probe has entered an exit aperture," Seven reported. "It is still transmitting, but we are not receiving any telemetry from it at this time." Another box went black as another probe was sucked into the anomaly.

"We're receiving telemetry from the first probe that went in," said B'Elanna. Anxiously, Chakotay looked up at the screen. The blank box had become once again filled with light. "It looks like it's in the same anomaly, just on the other side," B'Elanna said. "The probe is still moving. We'll have to wait until it gets further away."

Just as the third box on the screen went black, they began to receive telemetry from the second probe they had launched. They could see that it was gradually moving away from the anomaly's exit aperture, and although it was the same bright white phenomenon that they had witnessed from their bridge, it appeared to be significantly smaller wherever, or whenever, the probe was. As the probe continued to transmit data, Chakotay, Torres and Seven could see a planet nearby. The probe began to scan the planet and transmit data.

"The planet has approximately three million life forms. The probe is detecting warp signatures, so their technology must be at least moderately advanced," said Seven.

"Do you know this planet, Seven?" Chakotay asked.

"I will cross reference the data from the probe with the Borg database as well as our own star charts," Seven replied.

"Chakotay!" B'Elanna said sharply, interrupting Seven and gesturing to the location on the screen where the third probe had just begun to transmit data.

He whipped his head around to look up at the screen and gasped. There, in front of them was an even smaller version of the anomaly they had seen, and, in the distance, beyond the glowing, white specter, a clear picture of the starship _Voyager_.

...

"I think this will work," Torres said, looking up at Harry with a satisfied expression.

Harry smiled at her in congratulations and excitement. "Kim to Janeway."

"Janeway here."

"Captain, we think that if we flood the ship with anyon particles, we should be able to bring whoever is watching us back into our own space-time," said Harry.

Janeway's characteristic response came back, "Do it."

Harry and B'Elanna shared a grin as Torres turned to the panel beside them. "The anyon emitter is ready to go," she said.

"Ok," replied Harry nervously. "Engaging anyon emitter." It was a moment before they noticed anything unusual, but as the anyon particles began to flood the ship, they saw a figure begin to appear in front of them. Harry thought that the figure looked somehow familiar, but he could quite place it in his mind.

"Increase the emissions by ten percent," Torres ordered.

Harry hit a few buttons on his console, and saw the figure in front of them begin to congeal. He noticed the short stature and the auburn hair first. Then, the characteristic red Starfleet uniform, and finally the piercing blue eyes. Harry suddenly was speechless as he found himself looking into the face of Captain Janeway... At least, she appeared to be Captain Janeway. Dumbfounded, he stood there, staring.

"Good work, Ensign," said the Captain with a smile. It looked like her, and it sounded like her, but Harry was confused. The Captain was on the bridge. He had seen her less than two hours ago. Who was this impostor?

Torres tapped her comm badge. "Captain," she said, "I think you better get down here."


	5. Chapter 4

When Kathryn arrived in engineering, she expected to find an alien visitor, a hostile force, a multiphasic creature. The last thing she expected to find was herself. Yet, she found herself staring into her own cold, blue, calculating eyes and cocked her head in astonishment. It wasn't exactly like looking in a mirror. Her double's features were slightly more severe than her own, she thought. Her hair was shorter; she had a few more lines on her face. She did appear to be Kathryn Janeway, but the Captain knew better than to believe it at face value. "Who are you?" she asked.

The other Janeway looked at her as if the answer should be obvious. "I'm you," she replied. The voice was the same. "I know that you've picked up an anomaly, a wormhole that emits chronitons. We encountered the same anomaly in my own timeframe. I was in a shuttle with Tom Paris, investigating the anomaly, when our shuttle was hit by some kind of energy pulse, and I woke up here."

Kathryn was slowly processing her double's words. "Your own timeframe?"

The other Janeway nodded. "As far as I can tell, I'm from a different timeline." She decided that for now it might be best not to mention that she was also from the future.

Harry piped up, "There have been documented instances where anomalies have caused multiple timelines to converge in the same location."

"I remember hearing about that, too, Ensign," replied the Captain.

"All I want is to get back to my own time and my own ship," the other Janeway said.

"First, Captain," Kathryn replied, using the title with a dubious tone, "I'd like to escort you to sickbay so we can confirm your identity."

Her double looked for a moment as if she was about to protest, but then she backed down. "Of course. That's exactly what I would do in your position."

The Captain tapped her comm badge. "Janeway to Tuvok. Meet me in engineering. We have a guest to escort to sickbay."

The other Janeway chuckled slightly. "Surely you don't need a security team to escort me to sickbay?"

"Frankly, I don't know who you are, Captain. You may be telling the truth, or you may be an alien posing as me in order to incapacitate my crew and gain control of my ship. I've learned that in situations like this we can't be too cautious."

The older Kathryn grimaced and replied, "Of course." _You don't know how well you're going to learn that lesson_, she thought towards her counterpart.

When Tuvok arrived in engineering and saw two Janeways standing there, he looked at his captain in surprise, raising an eyebrow. "Captain?"

"She claims to be me, from another timeline," the Captain replied. "I'd like the Doctor to confirm her identity."

"Of course," said Tuvok, taking their guest gently by the elbow. "Please come with me." Leaving a befuddled Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres behind them, Tuvok and both Janeways moved towards sickbay.

"How long have you been aboard my ship?" the Captain asked.

"Since yesterday afternoon, as far as I can tell. I'm not sure how long I was unconscious before I woke up in your cargo bay."

"And you've been spying on us that whole time? We picked up the chroniton fields you left all over the ship."

The older Janeway sighed. "I wasn't trying to _spy_ on you. I was trying to gather information about this timeframe, and trying to figure out how to get you to recognize that I was here. I knew of Kes' telepathic abilities, so I sought her out in the airponics bay. I didn't realize that I'd be leaving chroniton fields all over the ship, but I'm glad that I did, because if I hadn't, it would have taken you a lot longer to find me."

The Captain had to accept this explanation as she tried to put herself in her counterpart's situation. Much as she didn't like the idea that they had been watched by an invisible presence, she probably would have done the same thing. When they reached sickbay the Doctor's eyes widened. "Captain," he said dryly, "you didn't tell me you had developed a cloning device."

The Captain's eyes narrowed as she ignored his sarcastic remark. "This woman claims to be me from another timeline. I need you to confirm that, Doctor."

"Very well. This should only take a minute." He sat the second Janeway down on a biobed and ran his tricorder over her. He compared his scans to his database of scans of his own Captain, and a few moments later, he looked up at her. "She is, indeed, a future you, Captain."

"_Future_?" the Captain asked, looking accusingly at her double. "You didn't mention anything about the future."

"I was trying _not_ to mention it," the older Janeway replied, glaring at the Doctor. "Temporal prime directive."

"I'm sorry, Captain," the Doctor said, looking at the older Captain now. "I didn't realize..."

She brushed his apology aside. "It's all right, Doctor. The damage is done."

"Perhaps the temporal prime directive does not apply in this situation," said Tuvok.

"Why not?" both Janeways asked simultaneously. They stared at each other after speaking in unison; the younger Janeway looked annoyed; the older, simply bemused.

Tuvok turned to the Janeway who was not his captain. "If you are, indeed, from a different timeline, then whatever happens in our future will already be different from the past that you've experienced." He paused. "Have you noticed any significant differences between this universe and your own?"

Janeway cleared her throat and replied awkwardly, "One or two." Her tone made her counterpart study her carefully, wondering just what these differences were. "Even so," she continued, "I think we should probably keep our discussion of the future to a minimum."

The Captain nodded her ascent and then said, "Well, now that we know that you are who you say you are, I guess we need to get started on a way to get you home."

"Bridge to Janeway." It was Chakotay's voice.

Both Janeways tapped their comm badges reflexively, until the elder, realizing her error, nodded to her counterpart, allowing her to reply. "Janeway here."

"We've picked up a probe exiting the anomaly, Captain. It has a Starfleet signature."

...

_Voyager_'s senior staff sat in the briefing room, as Tuvok shared the details of the probe they had detected. He stated that it had a Starfleet signature, appeared to be from _Voyager, _and was of a configuration he had never seen before.

The older Captain Janeway stood in the corner, observing the proceedings. Her arms crossed over her chest, she anxiously tapped the fingers of one hand on her elbow. She felt on edge, anxious to participate in the discussion, ready to take command. Although she trusted herself and her younger crew, she knew far more about the Delta Quadrant than they did. Her experiences over the past three years had honed her skills far more than the Captain she saw before her. When Tuvok finished describing the probe, she interjected, "It's from my ship. My crew is trying to figure out what happened to me." Her younger counterpart threw her a glare. Was this what the junior officers called the 'Janeway death glare?' she wondered with bemusement. She turned to Tuvok. "It's a multispatial probe. You designed it... or, rather, will design it."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow, and the Captain said, "Is there a way to confirm that?"

"The probe does appear to belong to _Voyager, _as I have previously stated. However, whether it is from the _Voyager_ this Captain Janeway comes from or not is unknown. This anomaly may lead us to several different versions of _Voyager_, or just one."

"Can we launch a probe of our own to be sure?" Chakotay asked.

"That may be possible," replied Tuvok.

"The anomaly in my timeframe is much larger," the older Janeway explained. "I'd say it's at least a hundred times the size of what you see here."

"The real question is," said Chakotay, "can we use this probe, or one of our own, to transmit data back to whoever sent it?"

"We might be able to modify this probe with a subspace transmitter," suggested Lieutenant Torres.

The Captain nodded slowly. "We could use it as a subspace relay to transmit through the anomaly. That might be our best chance of making contact with your ship." She gestured to her counterpart.

"I know the design specifications of the multispatial probe," the older Janeway said. "B'Elanna, I can help you install the subspace transmitter."

"Lieutenant Torres, how long do you think this will take?" the Captain asked, ignoring her doppelganger's offer.

"Two hours, maybe three," Torres replied.

"Do it," said the Captain. "Ensign Kim, assist her. And our guest will also be at your disposal." Torres, Kim and the second Janeway nodded, and the meeting was dismissed. The older Janeway walked out with Torres and Kim, heading to engineering, and the rest of the senior staff resumed their posts. The Captain remained in her chair at the head of the table, lost in thought.

"How are you doing?" a gentle voice asked.

She looked up, startled that someone else was still in the room, and found herself looking into the soft brown eyes of her first officer. "I'm fine," she replied.

He chuckled and sat down next to her. "I know you better than that. It must be strange to see another version of yourself... from the future no less."

She nodded. "It is strange. I want so badly to ask her what happened in her timeline... If she could warn us of what dangers are ahead, maybe point us towards a faster way home..."

"I don't think she'd tell you," said Chakotay.

"I know. Temporal prime directive." Janeway dropped her head into her hands with a moan. "I hate time travel."

"Anyway," Chakotay offered, hoping to distract Kathryn from her worries, "what she's experienced might not be relevant to us. Her timeline may be completely different from ours."

"I suppose. But she has to have some knowledge of the Delta Quadrant that we can use." Kathryn had lifted her head from her hands, but her eyes were lost in thought.

Chakotay leaned towards her, trying to get her to look him in the eye. "I don't think that's really what's bothering you," he said.

She met his eyes in surprise; she hadn't realized that he was right until he had said it out loud. "Well, it's one of the things. She just seems so severe and cold. I don't see myself like that."

"You don't know what she's had to go through these past three years. Maybe it's changed her," said Chakotay.

Kathryn looked at him, worry written across her face. "Is that what I'm destined to become?"

"I don't think we're _destined _to become anything, Kathryn. We may not be able to choose the things that happen to us, but we always have the power to choose how we deal with them. Just because she is the way she is doesn't mean that you''ll be that way."

"But she's me!"

"She's you in a different set of circumstances; a different timeline. She's had different experiences from you, different relationships with people. The two of you may have started out as the same person, but you're not anymore."

Janeway nodded. "I suppose that's true. I can't help but wonder what those experiences are."

"That's what's really bothering you, isn't it?" he asked with a smile. "You just can't stand not knowing something."

She chuckled. "I guess that's it, Commander. Come on, let's get back to work."

...

B'Elanna Torres had beamed the multiphasic probe to engineering, and she stood, hunched over it, trying to open one of its access panels. The older Captain Janeway stood at the end of the probe, peering at Torres' work anxiously. Harry Kim stood a few feet away, still uncomfortable around the woman who looked so much like the Captain he knew.

"Ensign Kim, you can relax," Janeway said, noticing his stiffness out of the corner of her eye.

Harry shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Sorry, Captain," he said. "I mean, should I call you Captain? Or something else?"

Janeway smiled, putting a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Captain is just fine, Ensign." As she took in the young man, she realized how much her own Harry Kim had matured over the past three years. He had become a capable young man, confident and willing to take command of a situation. He was no longer the green ensign she saw before her. "I guess you didn't expect to have two captains to deal with today," she offered.

For the first time since her arrival, Kim began to relax. "No, ma'am. I'm sorry if I'm behaving awkwardly."

"I'm sure I'd feel strange if I were in your position, Ensign. But, here in the Delta Quadrant, strange is part of the job."

Kim chuckled. "Yes, ma'am."

"I got it!" B'Elanna exclaimed. She had opened the panel, exposing the interior circuitry of the probe.

"Great," said Janeway. "Ensign, hand me that hyper spanner." Kim handed her the tool, and Janeway and Torres went to work modifying the internal circuitry of the probe and installing the subspace transceiver.

"It's strange, Captain," Harry said, trying to make conversation and eliminate the awkwardness he had created, "not that long ago, we didn't think you'd be coming home with us at all. Now there are _two_ of you." He chuckled a little.

Janeway looked up at him strangely, as if she was discovering a clue to a puzzle that she had pondered. "What do you mean, Harry?" she asked, trying not to sound too interested.

Now it was Kim's turn to look puzzled. "We just got you and the Commander back. I mean, the Captain and the Commander... not you."

Torres looked up, studying both of them. "Weren't you and Chakotay stranded on New Earth in your timeline?" she asked.

"We were," Janeway replied cautiously. "But we returned to _Voyager_ after only two months. How long were your Captain and Commander stranded?"

"Over ten months," said Harry. "Almost a year. We tried everything we could to convince Tuvok to contact the Vidiians, but he refused."

"That's where the timelines diverge," Janeway whispered under her breath.

"Captain?" Torres asked.

She shook her head, reaching over the probe to connect part of the transceiver. "Nothing." She paused and looked up at Torres and Kim. "How did you cure your Captain and your Chakotay, then?"

"The S'an Rit," Kim replied.

"Their technology was extremely advanced," said B'Elanna. "More than any other species we've ever encountered. One of their physicians worked with the Doctor and found a cure. Right around that same time, we charted a wormhole that led to an area of space that was relatively close to New Earth. We were able to go back for the Captain and Chakotay without adding more than a couple months to our journey."

Janeway seemed thoughtful. "I see."

B'Elanna studied her carefully. "Is something wrong, Captain?"

She shook her head, picking up the hyper spanner again. "Not at all, Lieutenant."

B'Elanna wasn't convinced, and she was bursting with curiosity, wanting to delve further into this line of questioning, but this woman was still the Captain, and Torres would feel awkward interrogating her. "I just need to connect two more relays," B'Elanna said instead. Leaning over the probe, she finished the delicate procedure and then stood up, closing the probe's casing. "That should do it."

"Good work, Lieutenant," said Janeway.

Torres shrugged. "Thanks for the help." B'Elanna reached for her comm badge and saw Janeway do the same. Torres bowed her head, deferring to the other woman.

Janeway tapped her comm badge. "Janeway to Janeway."

She could hear the exasperation in her double's voice as she answered, "This is the _Captain_."

"We've finished the modifications to the probe," Janeway reported. "We're ready for launch."

"Do it."

...

"I've been able to identify the location of the second probe," said Seven.

Chakotay stood beside her in astrometrics, looking up at the screen as she showed him the location of the planet whose image the probe had transmitted. "What can you tell me about it?"

"It's in a region of space that _Voyager_ charted about three years ago." She pressed a button on the panel and the display before them changed, showing an image of a barren, brown world. "This is the planet now."

The image puzzled Chakotay. "That doesn't look like the image from the probe."

"No," Seven replied. "_Voyager_'s scans showed evidence that there had been a civilization on the planet approximately three hundred years ago, but changes in the planet's atmosphere make it impossible for it to sustain life now."

Chakotay stared at the image and slowly grasped what Seven was trying to tell him. "Chroniton particles," he murmured. "The probe didn't just go to another location; it went to another timeframe."

"I have come to the same conclusion, Commander."

"What about the other two probes?"

"One seems to be lodged within the anomaly on the other side, and has transmitted no useful data. The other has been deactivated."

"Deactivated? How long ago?"

"Several hours," Seven reported. "It was deactivated shortly after it transmitted the images of _Voyager_."

"Do we know where that _Voyager_ was?" Chakotay asked.

"We did not receive sufficient data to determine that. However, I do believe that the crucial question is not where the other _Voyager _is, but when."

The first officer nodded, pondering his options. "We need to find a way to communicate with the other _Voyager._ Can we launch another probe and use it as a transmitter?"

"Possibly," said Seven. "However, there is no guarantee that another probe would be drawn into the same exit aperture as the first."

Chakotay nodded. "Go down to engineering, and tell B'Elanna what you've found. Work with her and Ensign Kim to find a way to communicate with that other ship."

"Yes, Commander." Seven strode out of astrometrics, leaving a fascinated first officer staring at side by side images of a planet; on the left, the planet appeared dead and cold, on the right, it was alive, vibrant and bustling with activity. It was strange to think that the motion he saw before him had occurred over three hundred years ago.

...

"The probe has been launched, Captain," Torres reported over the comm system.

"On screen." As the bridge crew watched the probe glide towards the anomaly, Janeway exchanged a glance with her first officer. The older Captain Janeway stood off to one side, watching the two of them. _Were Chakotay and I ever that obvious?_ she wondered. She thought not. After all, she and her Chakotay had never experienced the closeness that this couple had.

"The probe is two hundred meters from the anomaly and closing," Harry reported. "A hundred an fifty... A hundred meters... Slowing to ten meters per second. Holding position at fifty meters." This was the closest they could bring the probe to the anomaly without risking its being pulled inside.

"Bridge to engineering. Bring the subspace transceiver online."

A moment passed before Torres replied, "The transceiver is active, Captain."

The Captain exchanged another glance with her first officer before speaking. "This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager_ to any vessel on the other side of the anomaly. We have modified your probe and equipped it with a subspace transceiver in order to communicate with you. Please respond." Anxiously, they waited.

"No response, Captain," said Kim.

"We do not know how the anomaly will affect our transmission," Tuvok interjected. "It may become distorted, or be difficult to detect in another timeframe."

"My people will figure out how to access it," the older Captain Janeway assured him. "We just need to give them some time."

The younger Janeway turned around in her chair to look at Harry Kim. "Continue transmitting the message on all frequencies," she said. "Inform me immediately if we receive a reply."

"Aye, Captain," said Harry, looking back to his console diligently.

The Captain turned to the older version of herself who still stood unobtrusively behind the tactical station. "Captain," she queried, "would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?"

The older Janeway allowed a small smile to cross her features. "You know I could never turn down a cup of coffee," she replied with a wicked grin, following her counterpart into the ready room.

"Two cups of coffee, black," the Captain ordered, standing in front of her replicator. The mugs of coffee materialized, and she walked over to the couch, inviting her future self to join her. For a moment, they sat in silence, looking at each other. Simultaneously, they raised their cups to their lips and took a sip, eyeing each other over the rims of their mugs. Steely blue eyes met steely blue eyes, both filled with curiosity, wonder and a touch of suspicion.

After a moment, the older Janeway's features softened. "I'm sorry for dropping in so unexpectedly," she said.

"You couldn't have known you would end up here when you went to investigate that anomaly."

"True. But I'm sure that my presence is disorienting for your crew."

The Captain nodded in acknowledgement of this, but said, "They'll adapt." The older Kathryn averted her eyes and chuckled. "What's so funny?" asked the younger Janeway.

"I can't tell you." She paused, looking at her younger self with a grin. "Let's just say that the word 'adapt' will become a common part of your vocabulary." At the questioning glance she received, she paused again, lost in a thought of her own. "Or maybe it won't. Maybe you'll never encounter her."

"Who?"

She shook her head. "Someone who became a part of my crew. But your ship is already on a different course than the one I took. It's been different ever since..." She trailed off.

"Ever since when? You've figured out at what point our timelines diverged, haven't you?"

The older woman smiled woefully. Had she really been this enthusiastic? So filled with wonder and curiosity at every turn? _Have the last three years changed me that much?_ she wondered. "I guess there's no harm in telling you. In my timeline, Tuvok disobeyed my orders and contacted the Vidiians to find a cure to the virus Chakotay and I contracted on New Earth. _Voyager_ returned for us in less than two months."

Slowly, Kathryn realized the implications of this information as she thought back to the second month of their exile. She and Chakotay had gone no further than holding hands by that point. Had _Voyager_ come back for them then, there was no chance that she ever would have entered into a relationship with him. She slowly looked back at her double. "I guess you've learned that that wasn't quite how things happened for me."

The older Captain nodded. "Harry and B'Elanna told me when we were working in engineering that you were stranded there for almost a year."

Narrowing her eyes at her counterpart, Janeway spoke accusingly, "But you must have already known that our timelines were different in some way, since you were spying on Chakotay and me in his quarters the other night."

The older Janeway lowered her gaze. "I had no intention of spying, and I didn't stay after you and Chakotay..." She trailed off uncomfortably, unsure how to complete her sentence.

Kathryn's younger self let it go. She couldn't imagine how uncomfortable she would be if their positions were reversed. "I probably would have done the same thing in your position," she admitted, trying to ease the other woman's awkwardness.

Taking a sip of her coffee, the older Janeway turned to stare out the window. "Do you really think that you can maintain a relationship within the command structure?"

The Captain's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't think that my relationship with Chakotay is any of your business."

"Think about it, Captain. What are you going to do the next time you have to order him on a dangerous away mission?"

The younger woman's eyes were steely as she faced her doppelganger. "I'll order him to go on the mission. We both knew the risks when we chose this life."

The older Captain sat back against the sofa, her eyes remaining locked on the woman in front of her. "What is going to happen when you disagree about a command decision? Fighting with your first officer when he's your friend is one thing; fighting with him when he's your lover is something else entirely."

"Chakotay and I may disagree on occasion, but we don't _fight_," Kathryn retorted.

Janeway snorted softly in response, and her expression darkened. "You will," she said under her breath.

The Captain's eyes widened as she heard the furtive statement, and she bristled with anger as she responded. "I thought we weren't discussing the future. What happened to the Temporal Prime Directive?"

"I'm just trying to help you think this through, Captain. You don't know what you're about to face. I do."

"My timeline is already different from yours," Kathryn argued, infuriated. "You don't know what I'm going to face any more than I do."

The older Janeway gritted her teeth. _Was I ever this naive?_ she thought. "I have a pretty good idea."

"With all due respect, Captain," Kathryn replied in a tight voice, trying to control her temper, "my ship is on a different course from yours. Some of the races and obstacles we'll encounter will undoubtedly be the same as what you've experienced, but your future will not be mine. I am not you, and you have no right to tell me how to live my life."

The older Janeway stood, and her younger self saw something flicker in her eyes and then die. "I'm trying to help you, Captain," she said. "I'm sorry that you can't see that." She turned on her heel and walked out of the ready room, leaving her younger counterpart sitting on the sofa while her coffee grew cold.

...

Arms folded across his chest, Chakotay paced back and forth across the ready room. It had been over two days since Kathryn had gone missing and nearly twenty-four hours since they had lost contact with their probe. So far, B'Elanna, Seven and Harry hadn't been able to figure out a way to be certain that a second probe would find its way to the same exit aperture. They couldn't afford to waste their valuable resources, so Torres, Kim and Seven of Nine continued to search for a solution. Chakotay refused to believe that the Captain was dead. There had been no traces of cellular residue in the shuttle, which would have been detected had she been vaporized. _People do not disappear into thin air_, he thought. _She's out there, somewhere. We just have to find her._

"Seven of Nine to Commander Chakotay," came the former drone's voice over the comm.

"Chakotay here," he replied, tapping his communicator.

"Our probe has been reactivated, Commander. I suggest you report to the bridge."

"On my way." Chakotay hurried out of the ready room and onto the bridge. "Report," he ordered as he took his seat. Kim, Paris and Tuvok were at their stations, and Seven stood at the console behind the command chairs.

"We have been continuously scanning for the probe's ion signature," Tuvok explained. "It has just been detected."

"Are we receiving telemetry from the probe?" Chakotay asked.

"Negative," replied Seven.

"Are we receiving any transmissions?"

"Negative," replied Tuvok.

Chakotay drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair, his mind racing. He had ordered his team to find a way to communicate with the other _Voyager_. It was possible that the other _Voyager_ had somehow detected them, had made the same attempt and had succeeded. He whirled in his chair, facing Harry. "Ensign Kim, modify the quantum signature of our subspace transceiver. Set it to a rotating frequency."

"Aye, sir," said Kim, pressing controls on his console to make the necessary modifications.

"You believe that if there is another _Voyager_ on the other side of the anomaly, that they may be trying to communicate with us," observed Tuvok.

"I hope so," the Commander replied. "But if our probe has traveled through time as well as space, picking up a subspace transmission might not be that simple."

"Your premise is logical, Commander."

Chakotay didn't reply to Tuvok's comment; he was too engrossed in his own console, trying to pick up any subspace frequency or unusual communication that he could. Finally, Harry spoke excitedly. "I think I've got something, Commander."

"Let's hear it, Ensign."

The transmission was garbled and laced with static; at first it was hard to make out whether the voice was even human, let alone male or female. Gradually, Harry adjusted the signal, and the clarity of the voice grew. It was definitely human, and very familiar. "This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager_ to any vessel on the other side of the anomaly. We have modified your probe and equipped it with a subspace transceiver in order to communicate with you. Please respond."

"Match the subspace frequency and quantum signature of their transmission," Chakotay ordered.

"Frequency open, Commander," Kim informed him.

"Captain, it's good to hear your voice." He waited as Kim sent the transmission, expecting an immediate reply, but none came. He glanced back at Harry.

"I'm transmitting, Commander, but I'm not receiving any reply." Chakotay stared at the screen in front of him. _Come on, Kathryn_, he thought. _Where are you?_


	6. Chapter 5

The plate of food before her had been prepared with such care that she felt obligated to take a few bites, but Kathryn Janeway wasn't hungry, and, this time, it had nothing to do with Neelix's cooking. "How is it, Captain?" he asked anxiously, standing over her.

She looked up at him, forcing a smile. "It's delicious, Neelix. Thank you." She had forgotten how eager to please Neelix had been at first, when he felt so uncertain of his place among her crew.

"I'm so glad you like it, Captain," the Talaxian replied. He paused awkwardly. "Well, I'll leave you to your lunch. I'll be right here if you need anything - anything at all!"

"Thank you, Neelix. I'll let you know." She watched him scamper away and leaned back in her chair, allowing her mind to drift with the view of the stars in front of her and thinking back on her conversation with her younger self. She couldn't imagine herself in the other Captain's position. From the moment she had decided to destroy the Caretaker's array and stranded her crew in the Delta Quadrant, she had had a single mission: to get her crew home. She would allow nothing to distract her from that task; _nothing_, least of all a personal relationship that had the power to compromise her ability to make good command decisions.

"May I join you, Captain?" a melodious voice asked from behind her.

She turned and smiled into the eyes of an old and dear friend. "Of course, Kes," she replied, gesturing to the chair across from her.

The small woman sat down and studied her in that quiet, observant way that was unique to the Ocampan woman. "How are you doing?"

"Me? I'm fine," Janeway replied.

Kes' eyes bored into her; she always seemed to see past the simple explanation that was right in front of her. "I don't mean to pry, Captain, but this must be very strange for you."

Janeway closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself a small smile. Leave it to Kes to be the one to show compassion and concern for her well-being. It was one of the many aspects of having the young Ocampan aboard that she missed. "It has certainly been an experience."

"How does it feel, looking at a younger version of yourself?" Kes asked. She knew the question might be considered impolite, but her curiosity always got the better of her. If Neelix were sitting with them, he would have admonished her for asking the Captain such a sensitive question.

Janeway looked up at Kes and answered honestly, "I wonder if I ever was like her."

"In what way?"

The Captain shook her head as she looked over Kes' head out the window. Her gaze became far away as she spoke. "She's so optimistic and naive. She thinks that she can have it all. She acts like she's unstoppable."

The Ocampan woman cocked her head to one side as she listened. "And you don't recall ever feeling that way?"

Janeway shrugged. "Maybe I did, at one time, but that seems like a very long time ago. I've seen and experienced a lot since then. I tried to offer her advice, but she's too damn stubborn to take it."

"I think I can imagine how you feel," said Kes. "If I could go back now and meet myself before I left the Ocampan home world, I don't think I'd recognize that girl."

"If you could go back and meet that girl, what would you tell her?" the Captain asked.

Kes looked thoughtful for a moment, folding her hands in her lap and then placing them again on the table in front of her. "I'm not sure," she replied. "I don't know if I'd want to tell her anything. I wouldn't want to spoil the life she's about to experience." Janeway looked at Kes across the table and slowly reached out and took the younger woman's hands, squeezing them tightly in her own.

...

"She is infuriating, Chakotay!" Kathryn exclaimed as she paced back and forth across her quarters. They had escaped there for a brief respite, ordering Harry to alert them the moment they received a response to their transmission. "She thinks that she has the right to tell me how to live my life. As if her three extra years of experience make her omnipotent somehow." Chakotay stood silently, leaning up against the back of the sofa with his arms crossed over his chest, watching her growing agitation. "What the hell gives her the right to tell me how to run my life? What gives her the right to judge us for being together? She didn't experience what we did. She doesn't know."

"That's true," Chakotay said calmly.

Kathryn barely acknowledged his response, continuing to pace. "You said yourself that I'm not the same person as she is. And you're not the same person as her Chakotay. What right does she have to tell me that we're going to fight? How dare she threaten me by saying that this relationship is going to jeopardize my ability to captain this ship?"

Chakotay waited for a to see if she was going to continue, and only after she was silent for a moment, he spoke, "Are you really upset about what she said to you, Kathryn? Or are you upset because you're afraid that she's right?"

At this question, Janeway stopped pacing and faced him fully, placing her hands on her hips. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"She named all of your own fears about why this might be a bad idea. I think you're really angry because she said something you didn't want to hear."

Kathryn began to protest. "Chakotay, that has nothing to do with it. We said we would face this together, and I'm committed to that."

He stood and walked over to her, standing only a few inches in front of her as he reached out and brushed his fingers along her cheek. "I know you are, Kathryn. But that doesn't mean you don't have doubts and fears about whether you made the right decision. I know that I do."

She looked up into his eyes, searching for clarity in their chocolate brown depths. "You do?" she asked, her voice shaking more than she wanted it to.

Chakotay ran his hands from her shoulders down her arms to take both of her small hands in his. Her fingers were cold and he subconsciously began to rub them in his own to warm them. "Of course I do," he said gently. "Seeing you injured or in danger before was hard enough. Now? I don't know how I could get through the day if you were lying on a biobed in sickbay, injured or dying. I don't know how that would affect me. I can't guarantee that my judgment will never be compromised because of how I feel." He realized that his voice was shaking, too.

"I know," she whispered, squeezing his hands.

"But I know that I'll do my best, and I know that you will, too, and I'm not willing to sacrifice every other aspect of my life out of fear for how it _might_ affect my work." He let one of her hands go and brought one hand up to cup her cheek. "This is worth too much to me. _You're_ worth too much." Kathryn reached her hands up around his neck and pulled his face down to hers. When they parted from their kiss, he saw a tear running down her cheek, and he leaned over and kissed the spot where it had trailed down her face. He felt that his chest was about to explode as he looked down at the beautiful woman who had become his life, his world, his soulmate, and impulsively, he crushed her body to his, tightening his arms around her, feeling her arms encircle his waist as she gripped him in return. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo, and swallowed hard to hold back his own tears. He felt Kathryn shudder against him as she tried to contain her emotions; he knew that she was fighting for control as much as he was. They remained locked together for several moments, as they collected their emotions and regained control of themselves.

Kathryn broke away first, taking a deep breath and giving his hands a squeeze. She walked over to the window to look out at the stars, crossing her arms over her chest and turning away from him. "You're right, of course," she admitted slowly. "In a way, she's the first person to know. I mean, I'm sure the crew suspects, but it's not exactly as though we've made a public announcement. I guess I wanted her to be happy for me, but instead, she threw all my fears and doubts right back in my face."

"What did you tell her?" Chakotay asked, coming up behind her and placing his hands reassuringly on her shoulders.

"I told her that I wasn't her, and that she had no right to tell me how to live my life."

"You're right about both of those things, Kathryn," he reassured her, squeezing her shoulders. "You're not her. You've chosen to face your fears. You've taken a path that she obviously would never have taken, and no matter what happens, I don't think that you're going to regret it."

She reached across her body to place her hand over his. "I hope not," she replied softly. Then she turned to him with a devilish grin, "And if I do, you're going to regret it more!" She poked him in the stomach, teasing him, and they both burst out laughing, as the tension of the situation melted away.

"Bridge to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn pulled herself together, forcing herself to stop laughing as she tapped her comm badge. "Janeway here."

"Captain, we're receiving a response from the probe."

Kathryn's expression suddenly became serious as she locked eyes with Chakotay. "On my way," she replied, leaving her quarters with him at her side.

...

"Ensign Kim, how long has it been since we transmitted our reply?" Chakotay asked, drumming his fingers lightly on the arm of his chair.

"It's been four hours, Commander. Still no response."

Chakotay grimaced. "Hold position. Continue scanning the anomaly for any changes."

"Aye, sir," said Kim.

"Sir," Tuvok interjected, "how long do you intend to hold position here?"

"Until we figure out what's going on, Commander," Chakotay replied, trying to keep his tone patient. He had been expecting resistance from Tuvok; he had not expected it to take this long to come out.

"And if we are unable to retrieve the Captain?" Tuvok asked. "It is not logical to remain here indefinitely awaiting a response."

"We received one transmission, Tuvok. I'd say it's likely that we'll receive another, wouldn't you?" Chakotay asked pointedly.

"Perhaps. I am simply pointing out that it may be time to consider other alternatives."

"Alternatives such as giving up and leaving the Captain behind? If any of us were missing, you know she'd do whatever she could to get us back. We owe her the same."

Before Tuvok had a chance to respond, the comm beeped. "Seven of Nine to Commander Chakotay."

Chakotay tapped his comm badge. "What is it, Seven?"

"Please report to astrometrics. I think there is something here that you should see."

"I'm on my way." He closed the comm channel. "Commander Tuvok, you have the bridge." Chakotay strode into the turbolift and hurried to astrometrics. He hoped that whatever Seven had discovered would shed a little light on their predicament. He had argued with Tuvok, but the truth was, he shared the Vulcan's frustrations. He didn't like sitting here waiting for a response. He was a man of action, and action was what he wanted to take. The problem was that he couldn't figure out _what_ action to take. It seemed like, at this point, waiting for a response from the other _Voyager_ was their only option. He walked into astrometrics to see Seven standing over her console, absorbed in her work. "I hope you have good news," he said.

She turned around to face him, lacing her hands behind her back. "I believe that I have discovered why it took so long for the other ship to respond to our transmission."

"Why?" he asked, approaching her console.

She pointed to a set of figures on the screen, and he began to see what she was talking about. "We neglected to compensate for a temporal variance in the transmission. I believe I know how to adjust our frequency so that we can engage in instantaneous communication."

Relief flooded Chakotay, and a smile spread out over his features. "Good work, Seven," he said, giving her a satisfied smile. "Transmit this data to the bridge, and we'll try to contact the other ship again."

"Yes, Commander," Seven replied, and if Chakotay didn't know better, he'd say the unemotional drone was wearing an unusually self-satisfied expression herself.

...

The transmission was slightly garbled by static, but the words and the voice could still be clearly made out. "Captain, it's good to hear your voice."

The Captain stole a glance at her first officer. He was maintaining a calm facade, but she knew it must be strange for him to hear his own voice over the comm. "Open a channel, Ensign Kim," the Captain ordered.

"Channel open," Kim replied.

"Commander Chakotay, are you receiving this transmission?" she asked. The entire bridge crew waited with anticipation, but only silence greeted them in return. Captain Janeway stood and turned to Harry and Tuvok. "Suggestions?" she asked.

"Perhaps the anomaly is delaying the transmission of our messages," Tuvok suggested. "We seem to be receiving messages from the other ship, but there is a delay of several hours."

The older Captain Janeway stood near the entrance to the turbolift, behind the tactical station, silently observing the interactions of the bridge crew. Her conversation with Kes in the mess hall had affected her deeply, and she had been struck by the younger woman's words about not wanting to spoil the life her younger self was about to lead. When she saw things that way, it was true, she didn't want to take away from this Captain Janeway the opportunity to experience and discover all that life had to offer. She had a very different path to follow, and while Kathryn would deny it to herself, she wouldn't deny it to this younger, more passionate, more optimistic woman. She wondered if this really was the self she used to be, or could have been, had circumstances played out differently.

"Is there a way to compensate for the delay?" Chakotay asked.

"Unknown," replied Tuvok.

Suddenly, Harry spoke up from his station. "Captain! We're receiving another transmission, audio only."

"Let's hear it, Ensign." Harry tried to play the transmission, but it was garbled. "Can you clean it up, Ensign?" the Captain asked.

"I'm working on it, Captain." Harry's brow furrowed as he adjusted different aspects of the transmission, trying to eliminate the static. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn't realize that the older Captain Janeway had moved towards his station and was looking at his console over his shoulder.

Suddenly, she pointed. "There."

Harry studied the diagram she indicated. "Where?" he asked.

"There," she pointed again, and Harry allowed her to step up to the console. "It's a temporal variance."

Harry looked puzzled. "I see the variance, Captain, but how do we compensate for it?"

She grinned up at him, accessing his controls and pressing several buttons. "The things you learn in the Delta Quadrant, Ensign," she commented wryly. A moment later, the transmission came through loud and clear, mid-sentence.

"...a temporal variance in the transmission that has prevented us from having real-time communication with you." It was Chakotay's voice. The older Captain Janeway released a sigh of relief. Her crew had discovered the same variance and had figured out a way to compensate for it. She saw her younger counterpart turn around and look at her with a nod, acknowledging her gratitude for the older woman's help. The Captain returned the nod gracefully and stepped away from Harry's station, allowing him to resume his post.

"We discovered the same variance," replied the Captain, "and we're compensating for it now." She looked back at Harry, who nodded to her, indicating that the modifications were complete.

"Captain, where are you?" Chakotay asked.

"Commander," Janeway replied, taking a deep breath, "this might be hard to explain, but I'm not your Captain Janeway. I'm from a different timeline than you, and three years in your past. Your captain is here with us. She was somehow transported to our ship via the anomaly that both of our ships have encountered."

"I see," said Chakotay slowly, obviously trying to assess the situation from afar. "May I speak with her?"

"I'm right here, Chakotay," the older Janeway spoke up from her position at the back of the bridge.

"Captain." The relief in Chakotay's voice was evident. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. We have to find on a way for me to get out of here and back to my ship."

The younger Captain Janeway added, "I suggest that we work on it from our end, you work on it from yours, and that we reestablish communication in a few hours to see what we come up with."

"I think that sounds reasonable," Chakotay replied. "Captain?" Somehow, he had known that the voice had been that of the other captain, not his own.

Janeway smiled inwardly, acknowledging his perceptiveness. "Agreed. Commander, have Seven and B'Elanna work on it. They might be able to adapt the technique we used to transport the Romulan through that wormhole that led to the Alpha Quadrant in the past."

"I was thinking the same thing," put in the younger Janeway.

"I'll have Seven and B'Elanna get right on it," Chakotay replied.

"I'll have my people start working on it, too," said the Captain. The older Janeway could see herself trying to puzzle something out, and she was willing to bet that her counterpart was wondering, _Who is Seven?_ Suddenly, an explosion rocked the bridge. Janeway was hurled forward into the railing. Tuvok and Harry grabbed their stations, and Chakotay and the Captain were nearly thrown out of their chairs. "Report!" barked the Captain.

"A ship has appeared off our port bough," replied Tuvok. "They fired some sort of plasma discharge. Our shields are down to eighty-two percent."

"Appeared?" the Captain asked incredulously. "From where?" Before Tuvok had a chance to reply, she ordered, "Red alert. Shields to maximum. Hail that ship."

"They are not responding, Captain," said Tuvok.

"Open a channel on all subspace frequencies." Tuvok nodded to indicate that the channel was open. "Alien vessel, this is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager_. We are on a peaceful mission and have no hostile intentions."

"Captain, what's happening?" Chakotay's voice came over the comm channel, distorted by interference.

"We're being attacked!" the older Janeway responded. She heard a burst of static, and then nothing.

"We have lost the comm link with the other _Voyager_," Tuvok reported.

"Any response from that ship?" asked the Captain, holding her chair as the bridge rocked from another blast.

"Shields down to sixty-seven percent," said Tuvok. "No response to our hails."

"Open another channel," Janeway ordered. "Alien vessel, why have you attacked us?" Another blast jolted _Voyager_, and still no response came to their hails. "Return fire, Mr. Tuvok," Janeway ordered. "Target their weapons systems." _Voyager _swooped around, evading another blast from the alien ship and firing phasers at it in return.

"Direct hit," said Tuvok. "Their weapons systems are down. They are hailing us."

"On screen."

An imposing alien appeared on the view screen in front of them. He towered above the Captain, at a height of over two meters, and his grey skin stretched over his face, creating thick folds above his black eyes. "Federation ship, I am Tkltcx of the Qrtpch," the alien said with a series of clicks and chirps that Janeway couldn't even hope to replicate. "Leave this vicinity immediately, or I will consider it an act of war agains the Qrtpch."

"Please," said Captain Janeway, "we mean you no harm. We are merely trying to return someone who is lost to their own vessel, and then we will be on our way."

The alien's eyes seemed to narrow. "You are trespassing in Qrtpch space. We have a claim on this singularity, and we will not allow you to steal what is ours."

"I assure you that we have no intention of stealing from you. Someone was accidentally transported here through your wormhole, and we just want to get her back to her own ship."

"You have violated our space. I cannot allow you to stay here. You have disabled our weapons for now, Captain, but reinforcements are on their way. I assure you, your ship will not be able to withstand an attack by our fleet."

"If you would just be willing to negotiate..." Janeway began.

The alien cut her off, "There will be no negotiations. Leave now, or prepare to face deadly force."

"Sensors are detecting five additional alien vessels approaching," reported Tuvok.

The Captain looked back at her older self, whose lips were pressed together tightly in a thin line. She nodded briefly at her younger counterpart, granting approval for the retreat she knew was coming. Janeway looked over at Chakotay, whose eyes made his agreement clear as well. "Tom, set a course away from the anomaly. Warp 6. Engage."

"Yes, ma'am," Paris replied, keying in the appropriate course correction.

As _Voyager_ jumped to warp, Kathryn Janeway stared at the view screen in front of her, eyes dark with determination. "I think you'll be surprised to discover that I don't give up that easily. We'll be back."


	7. Chapter 6

Kathryn Janeway paced the length of the briefing room, where her senior staff and her doppelganger were assembled. They had stopped a few lightyears away from the singularity, and that was where they remained for the moment. "I need options, people," the Captain said.

"If we boost the annular confinement beam of the transporter," Kim suggested, "could we remain far enough from the Kertipikah ships and still transport the Captain using the probe as a transporter relay?" Kim had done his best to approximate the name of the alien species, which was correctly pronounced with a series of clicks and tongue movements that seemed impossible to humans.

"Too risky," replied Torres. "We'd have to figure out a way to communicate with the other _Voyager_ from a distance first, but even if we could do that, using the probe as a transporter relay is dicey enough at close range." With a sigh, Janeway stopped pacing and took her seat at the head of the table.

"We could try talking to the Kertipikah again," Neelix piped up. "Maybe they'll see that we really don't mean them any harm."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "Unlikely, Mr. Neelix. The Qrtpch did not seem to have any desire to negotiate with us, and since we are not bringing any new information to the table, it would be illogical for them to change their approach." Everyone at the table was staring at Tuvok; not because of his statement, but because of his flawless pronunciation of the alien species' name. The Vulcan, however, did not seem to notice the attention he had attracted.

"Tuvok's right," said Chakotay. "We have no reason to believe they're going to negotiate." He shared a glance with Kathryn before continuing, "I think we only have one option; taking _Voyager_ back to the singularity and facing the alien fleet."

At this, the older Captain Janeway, who was standing in the corner observing the proceedings, balked. "I won't allow you to risk your entire ship and crew on my behalf."

"With all due respect, Captain," countered the younger Janeway, "that isn't your decision to make."

"Besides," put in Paris, "what other options do we have?"

"Let me take a shuttle," said the older Captain. "I'll take my chances with the aliens. I'm the one who needs to get home; there's no need for you to put your entire ship and crew at risk."

"You wouldn't stand a chance against one of those ships, let alone five," the younger Janeway retorted. "It would be a suicide mission." She watched her older self narrow her eyes.

"Using a shuttle is a good idea, though," Chakotay mused. "Part of one, anyway."

Now it was the younger Kathryn's turn to narrow her eyes as she turned her glance to her first officer. "Commander?"

"If we use _Voyager_ to distract the alien fleet, we have a better chance of being able to get a shuttle within transporter range of the probe."

"I won't allow it," the older Captain said flatly.

Her younger counterpart stood from her chair and leaned over the table, her hands spread wide across it, and looked her older self in the eye. "Frankly, it's not your call. I'll be the one to decide what's allowed on my ship." The older woman seemed slightly taken aback, and the Captain took advantage of her silence to continue, "Do you have a better idea, Captain? One that's _not_ a suicide mission?"

The older Janeway sighed. She didn't have a better idea, unfortunately. "I don't, but I wish to state that I do not approve of this course of action."

The Captain smiled wanly. "I'll make a note of it in my log," she replied, a twinge of irony in her tone. She was rewarded with a scowl from her older self, which only amused her further.

"I volunteer to pilot the shuttle," said Tom.

Chakotay shook his head. "We'll need our best pilot on _Voyager_, Lieutenant. You're going to have to outmaneuver an entire alien fleet."

"Who's going to pilot the shuttle then?" asked Paris.

There was barely a moment of silence before Chakotay replied, "I am."

"Chakotay..." Kathryn began, her eyes shooting to him, but she cut herself off, feeling her older self watching her reaction carefully. She took a slow breath, knowing that this was one of those moments when she had to put her personal feelings aside and do what was right for the ship. The moment of weakness was gone, although the fear that settled in her stomach was not, and she moved quickly back into command mode. "Very well. Commander Chakotay will pilot the shuttle. Tuvok, we'll need to have photon torpedoes and phasers ready. Lieutenant Torres, be prepared to reroute power to the shields, weapons, and any other systems that may need a little extra boost."

"I'll start working on it right away," Torres replied.

"Lieutenant Paris, plot a course back to the singularity and be ready for some fancy maneuvering."

"Yes, Captain," Tom answered with a grin. He was _always_ ready for fancy maneuvering.

"Commander Chakotay, prepare your shuttle. You'll depart in one hour."

"Yes, Captain," he replied, his tone sounding completely professional, but his eyes betrayed some more personal feeling.

"Dismissed." Everyone stood to leave the briefing room; everyone except the older Captain Janeway.

"Captain, may I have a word with you?" she asked.

Kathryn could feel a conflict coming on, but she stood and faced the older woman, her hands on her hips. "What is it?"

"Why are you risking your entire ship and crew to save me?"

The Captain cocked her head to one side, studying her older counterpart with genuine curiosity. "Wouldn't you do the same thing if Tuvok were trapped on a hostile planet? You wouldn't abandon him there. You'd risk the ship and the crew to save his life, or the life of _anyone_ on your crew."

Janeway seemed to consider that for a moment. "I suppose I would, _if_ there were no other option."

The Captain narrowed her eyes again, crossing her arms over her chest. "And is there?"

"I could stay here with you."

The Captain snorted derisively. "Sacrifice yourself so that we don't all have to take the risk? I know you're trying to be noble, but it's not going to work. I know you too well. Besides, think of your ship, of your own crew. They need you."

"They'd get along fine without me. Chakotay is perfectly capable of taking command."

"And do you think that he would rest, knowing that you were here, just out of reach, just on the other side of a wormhole? Do you really think he'd abandon you here?"

"I could order him to."

The younger Janeway chuckled. "Do you _really_ think he'd do it? Look, Captain, I know that you don't have the same relationship with your Chakotay as I do with mine, but I think I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't just abandon you... in _any_ timeline."

The older Kathryn sighed, realizing that she wasn't going to win this argument. "I suppose not. I just wish there were some way for me to get back without you and your crew taking all the risk."

She saw her younger self's features soften at this admission, and, once again, she wondered if she had ever been as open and as vulnerable as this woman seemed to be. Sometimes, she wore her heart on her sleeve, and that was something that Kathryn was sure, over the years, she had learned _never _to do. "One of the reasons we joined Starfleet was to uphold justice, wasn't it?" The older Janeway nodded. "Part of that is protecting the innocent... and in this case, the innocent victim is_ you_." She saw her older self open her mouth to protest, but she continued before the older woman could speak. "You didn't ask to be brought here, to be separated from your ship, your crew, from your _life_. But here you are, and it's my responsibility to get you back. I know you don't like to receive anyone's help, Captain, but this time you're going to get it, because I'm just as stubborn as you are."

The older Captain shook her head. On the tip of her tongue was an acerbic comment about her counterpart's feelings about Chakotay being the one to pilot the shuttle, but something stopped her from saying it. She wasn't aware of what had stopped her, but if she could have verbalized the thought, it would have been, _Perhaps they can have what we never could. _Instead, she admitted, "Well, I guess this is one battle I'm not going to win."

She saw her counterpart's face light up in a genuine smile. "I'm glad you realize that. Now, let's get you to your shuttle."

...

As Janeway climbed into the shuttle _Sacajawea _next to Chakotay, she wished briefly that she had gotten stuck in a time _after_ Tom and B'Elanna had built the _Delta Flyer_. It was so much more steady and maneuverable than the standard Starfleet shuttle, but this crew had not yet enhanced their technology with Borg components. Perhaps they never would, although Janeway found that unlikely. Borg space was vast, and it seemed probable that _Voyager_ would encounter them on any course homeward through the Delta Quadrant. Should she warn them about Species 8472? Her alliance with the Borg had prompted a bitter fight between her and her first officer; should she warn him not to disobey the Captain's orders? She shook her head; these sorts of questions were exactly what prompted her dislike for time travel.

"Ready, Captain?" Chakotay asked her as she settled into the seat beside him.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I suppose," she replied. She pondered the irony of this moment, sitting beside him in the _Sacajawea_, the very same shuttle they had crash landed on the alien planet that resulted in her near-death experience almost exactly three years before. At least this _Voyager_'s differing course ensured that her double would never have to undergo _that_ particular trial.

"Chakotay to bridge. We're ready for launch."

"Good luck, Commander," the Captain's voice came back to them over the comm. Janeway saw Chakotay's eyes flash at the sound of her voice, and in that brief moment, she thought she got a glimpse of what his Kathryn meant to him. She felt a stab of discomfort in the pit of her stomach, and it took her a moment to recognize the feeling as jealousy. Inwardly, she scoffed at herself. This was absurd, being jealous of _herself_. Besides, she and Chakotay had made a choice about their relationship, and she was certain it was the right one. Yet, she had to admit that there were moments when she wished she wasn't so certain. Her thoughts came back to the present as the shuttle doors opened before them.

"What's the status of the alien fleet?" Chakotay asked.

Checking the sensors, she replied, "So far, there are two ships located within close proximity of the wormhole. Three more on long range sensors."

Chakotay nodded. "_Voyager_ should arrive at the singularity in a few minutes. We'll be close behind them."

"I'll work on setting up the transporter," said Janeway. An awkward silence fell over the shuttle as Kathryn adjusted the transporter to piggyback onto the comm signal that they would establish with the probe. She didn't know what to say to this Chakotay - her counterpart's lover - this man who would know so many of the intimate details of her past while she felt that she knew nothing about him.

Chakotay was finally the one to break the silence as he said easily, "I'm sure you'll be relieved to get back to your own ship."

A low, throaty chuckle escaped her lips. "That might be an understatement, Commander."

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "You can call me Chakotay, you know. Unless you stick to protocol a lot more strictly in your timeline?" He gave her a questioning glance, trying to feel out where he stood with her. He could sense her awkwardness and he wanted to put her at ease, but this woman was so different from his own Kathryn... so different, and yet so similar. In some ways, he felt like he knew her, or would know her, if she would let him close enough.

"No," she replied softly, answering his question without looking him in the eye. "I do call him Chakotay."

He swiveled his chair around to face her fully. "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable."

"I know you're not," she said, meeting his gaze for a moment before turning back to her console. "I think we need to focus on the mission at hand."

"Yes, Captain." He turned back to his task of piloting the shuttle, but knew they still had a couple minutes before their duties would require their full attention. Chakotay couldn't quell his curiosity, and he wasn't going to let this Kathryn Janeway back away from a sensitive subject any more than he would have let his own. "Why does being with me make you uncomfortable?"

She sighed audibly, and did not reply at first. He thought he might have overstepped his bounds, and he was about to apologize when she spoke, "I'm not her. You're not him. And yet I feel as though you must know me, because she and I have most of our lives in common, until..."

"Until New Earth," he supplied.

"Until New Earth." She paused. "I wonder if three years can change somebody that much. Was I really her only three years ago?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"She's so vulnerable. It seems... naive... to me."

Chakotay cast her a sidelong glance, favoring her with one of those grins that made his eyes sparkle. Her breath caught in her throat; it felt like a long time since he had looked at her that way. "You're vulnerable too. You just won't admit it."

Kathryn didn't know how to respond to this comment, but she was saved from the necessity by the beeping on her console. "We're approaching the singularity," she said, glad to put their conversation to rest.

"Chakotay to _Voyager_. We're approaching your position."

"We've engaged the alien fleet, Commander," the Captain's voice replied over the comm. "We'll keep them distracted for as long as we can. Janeway out."

"Dropping out of warp," Chakotay reported. They emerged into the center of a battle. Two Qrtpch warships were firing on _Voyager_, but Chakotay knew he needed to concentrate on his mission now, not on the pitched battle before them.

"I've established a link with the probe," Janeway replied. She checked her readouts. "A third alien ship is approaching."

"I think I can outmaneuver them," Chakotay replied, as he felt sweat begin to trickle down the back of his neck. His fingers flew over the controls as the shuttle ducked in and out of the alien vessels. Fortunately, the Qrtpch fleet didn't seem to have taken much notice of the small shuttle yet. They were fully distracted by _Voyager. _

"Janeway to _Voyager_," she spoke into the comm link, trying to establish contact with her ship. "This is Captain Janeway hailing the ship on the other side of the wormhole. Do you read me?"

She adjusted the comm frequency and compensated again for the temporal variance, and after a burst of static, she heard Tuvok's voice, "Captain, I am relieved to know you are alive."

"I'm in a shuttle," she said hurriedly. "I'm going to transport to your ship using the probe as a transporter relay. You'll have to reconfigure the matter transmission rate..." At that moment, a blast rocked the shuttle.

"It's that third ship!" Chakotay exclaimed. "They're on our tail."

"Evasive maneuvers!" ordered the Captain, even though Chakotay was already doing his best to evade the alien ship.

"Captain... hear you... transporter... transmit..." Janeway fought to reestablish a secure link with the other _Voyager_ as a second blast rocked the shuttle. A panel behind them exploded and the static on the comm went dead.

"We've lost communications!" shouted Chakotay over the din of the battle. "Shields are down to seventy three percent."

"I'm rerouting power to the shields and the transporter relays," Janeway said. "Get ready to beam me out."

"But, Captain, we don't even know if your ship got the message. If they're not ready for you, your pattern could degrade in the buffer, or the probe could be destroyed in the battle."

"We've got one shot at this, Chakotay," she replied. "I'm not going to lose it."

"But, Captain..."

She cut off his protestations. "Bring us in closer to the probe, Commander. That's an _order_."

His jaw clenching in anger, he did as he was told. Janeway was standing on the transporter pad, mouth open to say, "Energize," when the shuttle was hit again. The blast was a strong one, and Chakotay's console erupted in flames, throwing him backwards onto the floor of the shuttle, unconscious.

...

Tom's fingers flew over his console as he deftly maneuvered _Voyager_ around the enemy ships. "Evasive pattern beta six," the Captain ordered. "Tuvok, arm photon torpedoes."

"Torpedoes armed."

"Target their lead ship's weapons systems and fire at will."

"Direct hit," Tuvok reported. "The lead ship's weapons have been disabled."

A blast rocked the bridge. "Our shields are down to eighty two percent," said Harry.

"What's the status of the shuttle?" the Captain asked, holding the arms of her chair as the ship lurched again.

"They're approaching the anomaly, Captain. They're almost within transporter range of the probe," Kim replied.

"We just need to give them a little more time. Mr. Paris, evasive pattern delta four."

"Aye, Captain."

"Captain, another alien ship just appeared!" Kim exclaimed.

Janeway cursed under her breath. These aliens must have some sort of cloaking technology, the way their ships seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Tuvok, arm phasers and fire at will. Target their weapons systems, shields, whatever we can get to."

"Firing phasers," Tuvok reported as _Voyager _jolted with another blast. "Shields are down to sixty seven percent," said Tuvok.

"We've lost environmental controls on most of the ship, Captain," said Harry. "I need to reroute power to life support, or we're going to lose that too."

"Do it."

"Captain, the third ship is firing on the shuttle," Tom interjected anxiously.

"Change course to intercept," the Captain ordered.

"The second alien vessel's shields are down to thirty percent," Tuvok reported.

"Open a channel." Kim indicated to her that the channel was open. "Alien vessel, please stand down. If you continue to attack us, we will destroy you."

"No response, Captain," Kim reported.

"Captain, the shuttle has taken heavy damage," Tuvok reported.

Janeway felt a knot settle in the pit of her stomach. _Chakotay_. But she brushed the thought away; she had to remain calm and in control. She had to trust him to take care of himself, and if he couldn't... She couldn't think about that now. "Tuvok, arm photon torpedoes and target the weapons system on the third ship. Fire."

"Direct hit, Captain. Their weapons are disabled."

_Voyager_ rocked after being hit with another blast from the second alien vessel, the only one with its weapons still in tact. "Our shields are down to twenty eight percent!" warned Harry. "If we take another blast from that ship, it's going to cause heavy damage."

"Mr. Tuvok, arm photon torpedoes and fire at will. Harry, hail Chakotay's shuttle."

"Photon torpedoes are offline," Tuvok replied.

"Fire phasers, then. Anything we've got," the Captain said, exasperated. She wiped her hand across her forehead, feeling the sweat accumulating there.

"Firing phasers."

"I'm having trouble raising the shuttle," said Harry. "Their communications system seems to be damaged."

"Can we get a transporter lock?" she asked.

"Yes, Captain, but there are still two life signs aboard," replied Kim.

Then the other Janeway hadn't transported off the shuttle yet. Hadn't, or hadn't been able to? Suddenly, there was a crack of static through the comm channel. Janeway snapped her gaze up at Kim, and heard her own all too familiar voice through the comm system. "Captain, can ... hear me?"

"Yes, Captain, we're reading you," she replied. "You're breaking up."

"Comm system ... damaged. Commander ... injured. Beam ... directly to ... I will activate ... myself."

"Captain, we're not going to abandon you," she replied, feeling insane arguing with herself in front of her bridge crew in the middle of a battle.

"Beam Chakotay ... now!" There was no mistaking the determined tone in her double's voice. "Just ... it!"

Janeway glanced over at Harry. "Can you get a lock on him?"

"I think so, Captain," replied Kim.

"Get ready to beam him directly to sickbay. Inform the Doctor to expect casualties. Tom, move us behind that third alien ship. Tuvok, on my mark, drop our shields just long enough for Harry to beam Chakotay off that shuttle." She took a breath as _Voyager_ positioned herself securely behind the alien ship, using it to shield them from the other Qrtpch vessels. "Mark!" Janeway ordered.

"Got him!" Harry exclaimed.

"Tuvok, raise shields!" ordered the Captain. Another blast rocked the bridge and this time, Janeway was thrown from her chair as a console exploded behind her.

"Shields are at ten percent," reported Tuvok.

The Captain felt the ship jolt underneath her. "What was that?"

"The alien vessel is attempting to lock a tractor beam on us," said Tuvok.

"Target their emitters and fire!" ordered Janeway. Damned if she was going to let her ship be captured today.

"The tractor beam has disengaged," reported Tuvok. "However, the blast created a feedback loop which has damaged our phasers. Our weapons are inoperative."

"Captain, a fourth alien vessel just appeared off our port stern," said Kim anxiously.

"Damn," Janeway whispered under her breath. "Mr. Paris, do we still have warp drive?"

"Affirmative, Captain."

"Harry, get a lock on Captain Janeway and prepare to beam her out of there. Then we go to warp on my mark."

"Captain..." Harry's voice was hesitant. "There aren't any life signs on the shuttle."

"The fourth ship is powering weapons," Tuvok warned.

"Tom, get us out of here!"

"Yes, ma'am."

The Captain felt the gently lurch of her ship as it jumped to warp, and she clenched her jaw, reviewing the events of the past few moments in her mind. Had there been any other choice? Could she have waited an extra few moments to make sure that her older self had indeed returned to her ship, and wasn't lying dead on the floor of the _Sacajawea_? Not with the alien weapons trained on her, and them trying to lock a tractor beam on her ship. She sighed. _ I hope that you got home, Captain Janeway,_ she thought. She knew she'd have a lot of thinking to do later, but right now, she had more pressing business to attend to. "Damage report," she ordered.

...

Chakotay paced back and forth from ops, to the conn, to the engineering station, and back to ops again. He had been doing so from the moment that their transmission with the Captain had abruptly ended. "Harry, get her back!" he had ordered, but the ensign had been unable to reestablish the link. Chakotay clenched his fist. What had she been trying to tell them? He had ordered Seven and B'Elanna to monitor the probe constantly, but it had been several minutes since the transmission had ended. The uneasiness in his stomach carried the weight of lead, and no matter how many times he tried to tell himself that Kathryn was fine, he could not make himself believe it. She wouldn't have cut off the transmission abruptly like that if she had any choice in the matter.

B'Elanna sat at the engineering station on the bridge, monitoring the probe and praying for some change in her readouts that would stop Chakotay from his nervous pacing. So far there had been nothing. Wait... suddenly a reading appeared that hadn't been there before. "Chakotay!" she said. He was standing behind her in a second; she didn't know how he could have crossed the bridge that fast. "I think there's a transport pattern being transmitted through the probe."

"Transfer it to our transporter buffer," he ordered.

"I'm already on it," she said quietly, almost under her breath, the way she always spoke when she was concentrating hard on something. She worked the console with expert skill, adjusting the phase amplitude of the transmission, compensating for the temporal variance. Just a few more seconds...

Suddenly, on the view screen in front of them, the large, white anomaly began to implode. The bridge crew watched in horror as the vast spread of light shrank to a pinpoint, and then they could see the shockwave that emanated outward from the explosion. "Tom, get us out of here!" Chakotay said urgently.

Tom's fingers were already flying over the conn as the ship turned around and flew away from the shockwave. They weren't fast enough to escape it completely, however, and it caught _Voyager_'s tail, sending the ship spinning, and hurling everyone on the bridge to the floor.

When the tumult passed, the bridge seemed very still and very quiet. Chakotay was the first one to drag himself to his feet. Something warm was running down his face, and when he reached up to touch his forehead, his hand came away stained with blood. He ignored it; there was no time for that now. He offered a hand to B'Elanna, who had been thrown off her chair and halfway across the bridge. She took it, gladly, brushing herself off. "Ok?" he asked. She nodded and went back to her station. No one on the bridge seemed to be badly injured; a few scrapes and bruises here and there, but nothing that couldn't wait. Chakotay turned his attention back to B'Elanna, wearing in his expression the question that he was afraid to ask aloud.

Torres studied her station carefully, pressing a few buttons, and looked at him with a relieved expression. "I got the pattern into our transporter buffer."

Chakotay closed his eyes, allowing himself a small moment of relief. "B'Elanna, Seven, you're with me," he said. "Commander Tuvok, you have the bridge." The Vulcan, while looking a bit disheveled himself, nodded with his customary Vulcan precision as Chakotay, Torres and Seven of Nine headed for the turbolift.

"Deck four," Chakotay ordered. Then he took a moment to examine the two women before him. "Are you both all right?"

"I'm fine," B'Elanna replied. "A little shaken up, but fine."

"I appear to be undamaged," said Seven.

Chakotay nodded curtly, glad they were both unharmed, as they stepped off the turbolift and walked the short distance to the transporter room. He tried to stay out of the way as the women worked furiously at the transporter console. "I'm going to reconfigure the matter transmission rate," B'Elanna said.

"Her pattern is degrading. We have to complete the transport now," said Seven, a hint of urgency in her tone.

B'Elanna pressed one last key on the console and looked up at the transporter pad in front of her. "Energize."

Chakotay held his breath as the shimmer of the transporter beam appeared in front of him. His mind recognized B'Elanna and Seven talking about the matter stream and the annular confinement beam, but their voices seemed distant, far away. After an agonizing moment in which his stomach tightened, and he feared that Torres wasn't going to be able to work one of her miracles this time, Kathryn Janeway materialized on the transporter pad in front of him. She looked around, confused for a moment, but then her eyes found his and she smiled. "Welcome home, Captain," he said, returning her smile with one of his own. His smile faded quickly as he watched the color drain from her face. She tried to step off the transporter pad, but her knees buckled underneath her. In less than two steps, he was in front of her, supporting her weight as she dug her hands into his arms. "Let's get you to sickbay," he said.

She closed her eyes for a moment and paused to steady herself, and he felt her grip on his arms lighten. "I'm fine," she said. "Just a little dizzy."

"Still, I think the Doctor better check you out," Chakotay said firmly, maneuvering to one side of her and sliding an arm around her waist to support her.

"Only if you come with me," she countered. "That looks like a nasty cut, Commander." She allowed her arm to drape over his shoulder as he helped her down from the transporter pad. That was when she noticed B'Elanna and Seven standing there. "Thank you," she said to them, knowing they must have had a significant part in her rescue.

"It's good to have you back, Captain," Torres replied with a small smile.

"I agree," said Seven. "You were... missed."

At this statement from the least emotional member of her crew save Tuvok, Janeway felt her throat constrict, and she blinked back tears from her eyes. "It's good to be home," she said softly. "Now," she continued, turning to Chakotay, "as long as it's my sickbay in my timeline, I guess I'll go see the Doctor." He chuckled and they walked out of the transporter room, his arm still firmly around her waist, and hers still slung over his shoulder.

...

_Captain's Personal Log. Stardate 53911.4. After treating me for some minor temporal narcosis, the Doctor has pronounced me fit for duty. We've repaired some minor damage caused by the anomaly's implosion and have resumed course for the Alpha Quadrant. Unfortunately, the implosion eliminated any chance we had of communicating with the other _Voyager _and letting them know that our plan was successful. I can only hope that their Chakotay survived the attack. I saw him beamed from the shuttle, but I had no communication with him or the other Captain Janeway after that. I frequently think about them and wonder how they are faring on their journey. I can only hope that their path will be an easier one than mine has been. Seeing myself at that younger age made me realize both how much I have lost and how much I have gained over the past three years. Would I trade places with her if I could? I don't know. In some ways I envy her; in other ways, I fear for her. But one thing I do know is that I'm very grateful for where I am and what I have._

The coffee tasted warm and sweet, and the porcelain of her favorite cup was smooth against her lips. Kathryn Janeway allowed herself a contented smile as she sat back against the sofa in her ready room, PADD in hand. She had several days worth of reports to catch up on, and she certainly wasn't going to lose any time. Most of the reports detailed her crew's attempts to locate her, but there were also routine systems reports and crew evaluations that required her stamp of approval. The door chimed. "Yes. Come in," she murmured, not looking up from her reports.

Her first officer approached her seat on the couch, handing her yet another PADD. "This week's duty roster, Captain."

"Thank you," she said, pausing to look up at him, to study the familiar lines of his face, the familiar artwork of his tattoo, the familiar brown of his eyes. Was he as different from his double as she was from hers? She thought not. "Coffee?" she offered.

"If my taking it with cream and two sugars doesn't offend you too much," he replied with a grin.

She pretended to sigh in frustration as she poured his coffee and added the condiments. "I suppose I can handle it." She patted the sofa beside her and he joined her, taking a sip of his coffee.

"How are the reports coming?" he asked.

"Oh, you know how it is when you have to catch up after missing a few days," she replied nonchalantly.

He watched her eyes and her mind wander away from their conversation and her reports, and he could hazard a guess as to what subject occupied them. "It must have been strange, seeing a whole other _Voyager_, a whole other crew."

"A whole other me," Kathryn added, her gaze still far off in the distance, not settling on anything in particular.

"You said that you were in a different timeline," he ventured carefully, "but you never said exactly what was different about it."

There was a cunning glint in her eyes when she turned to face him and replied, "Just little things. They were on a different course. They'd encountered some species that we never did, and vice versa."

He could tell that she wasn't telling him the whole story, but he let it go for the moment. "Did you warn them about the Borg? Species 8472?"

She shook her head. "I wanted to, believe me, Chakotay, but I couldn't." She took a breath, and they recited in unison, "Temporal Prime Directive."

"I know," he continued, "but it doesn't seem fair."

"It doesn't," she agreed, "but who knows what the price would be of interfering? I could cause something _worse_ than whatever is already going to happen to them."

Chakotay's eyes darkened. "It's hard to imagine something worse than Species 8472."

"Or the Borg," she conceded. "But we just don't know, and that's the point. Besides, even if I had offered them some sort of advice, there's no guarantee they would have taken it. Captain Janeway can be very stubborn, you know." The mysterious glint in her eye had returned.

Chakotay chuckled. "Yes, I know." He studied her carefully. "What _did_ you try to offer her advice about?"

Kathryn looked away. She wasn't prepared to tell him about the relationship she had witnessed between the other Captain and her first officer. It brought up too many doubts, too many questions, too many unknowns. They shared a comfortable friendship; a friendship which they had agreed to maintain. What good would it do to bring up a discussion that was, for all intents and purposes, a moot point, at least as long as they were stranded in the Delta Quadrant? They had agreed on this years ago, and launching into the discussion again didn't seem like a good idea to her. She wasn't the same woman as that Kathryn she had seen, and she wasn't sitting here looking at the man her counterpart had fallen in love with. She was sitting in her ready room, gazing over her coffee at the familiar face of one of her closest friends, and no matter what she had seen, she could not afford to jeopardize their friendship. She could not afford the distraction; not when her first priority had always been so clear to her: to get her crew home. Chakotay recognized the determined expression as she set her jaw defiantly, not in defiance towards him, but towards some unknown entity, towards anyone who would dare stand in her way. He could almost read her thoughts. _ I will get them home. Nothing is going to stop me._ So instead of answering his question, she looked at him, determined defiance in her eyes, a smirk on her lips, and replied, "Captain's privilege, Commander." And he was brought back to a day many years ago when she had used the same tactic to evade another question he had posed. "There are some questions I don't have to answer."


	8. Epilogue

The damage to _Voyager_ wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. Environmental controls were still off line, and several decks had taken heavy damage, but it was nothing her staff couldn't handle. Tuvok was taking care of the weapons systems and Harry was working on environmental controls. Repairs were well underway and the alien ships did not seem to be pursuing them. It was only after she had reviewed the damage to her vessel and organized repair teams that Kathryn Janeway left the bridge in Tom's capable hands and stepped into a turbolift. "Deck five," she ordered, feeling the urge to pace back and forth, though the confines of the space did not allow it. Instead, she rocked back and forth on her heels, trying to ignore the sweat that continued to accumulate on her brow and the sinking feeling that hadn't left the pit of her stomach since the moment she had known Chakotay was injured.

As she stepped out of the turbolift, Kathryn forced herself to walk slowly and maintain a calm, cool exterior, even though her stomach was in knots and her heart was racing. She passed several crewmen in the midst of repairs on her way to sickbay, and she knew she needed to exude an air of comfortable authority around them. But when the sickbay doors swooshed open and she saw Chakotay lying on a biobed, the Doctor nearby, she forgot decorum and broke into a run. In a few quick steps, she was standing beside the biobed, taking Chakotay's hand in hers and looking down at his unconscious form. "Doctor, report," she ordered, not taking her eyes off of her first officer's face.

"He's suffering from severe plasma burns and has a minor concussion. His body has gone into shock," the Doctor explained as he pressed a hypospray into the Commander's neck. "Now, Captain, if you'll please move away from my patient?" When she didn't protest and backed away silently, the Doctor looked up at her, concerned. He wasn't sure she had _ever_ obeyed an order from him that easily, but when he saw the expression of fear on her face, he realized that what many of the crew members had guessed must be true. As he continued to move around the Commander with ease and precision, running a dermal regenerator over his burns, he adopted a more soothing tone. "He's going to be all right, Captain. There's no need for alarm."

Janeway realized that she must have looked shell-shocked to prompt the Doctor to speak to her in that tone, and she tried to wipe the concern off her face as she watched the EMH treat Chakotay. The hologram expertly regenerated damaged skin and applied the necessary hyposprays. The Captain had never been so grateful for the holographic doctor as she was at that moment. She didn't know how long she had been standing there when she realized that the Doctor had completed his treatment and was running a medical tricorder over Chakotay. He turned to her and said, "He just needs to rest now, Captain."

She looked at him, trying to convey the gratitude she felt. "Thank you, Doctor. May I stay here?"

"Of course, Captain." The Doctor studied her carefully as she pulled up a chair beside the Commander's bed. As a rule, crewmen liked to gossip when they came to sickbay. It distracted them from their ailments and from the Doctor's prodding, so he had the opportunity to learn a great deal about the rumors that went around the ship and what people thought of them. Ever since the Captain and Commander Chakotay had returned from the planet they called New Earth, the ship had been abuzz with rumors about them. The Doc had dismissed these rumors as active fantasies of some of the younger, less experienced crew members... until now. The look on Kathryn Janeway's face when she had practically leapt across sickbay to Chakotay's biobed eliminated the last of the Doctor's doubts. With a small smirk on his face, he left the couple in peace, retreating into the privacy of his office.

Sitting at his bedside, Kathryn held one of Chakotay's hands in both of hers. She stroked the back of his palm, feeling the roughness of his skin compared to her own. The clenching fear in her stomach slowly evaporated and the adrenaline of the crisis fell away as she absorbed the solid presence before her. She took a deep breath, exhaling shakily as the events of the past few hours washed over her. Always, after a crisis, she reviewed her own decisions, asked herself if she had made the best choices, if there was anything she could have done differently or better. With a pang, she wished there had been some way to ensure that her double had returned to her own timeline, but she simply couldn't see how, and she didn't want to risk returning to Qrtpch space now.

Before her, Chakotay stirred, and her attention snapped back to him, but he did not awaken. She recognized the peaceful expression on his face as he settled into a deeper sleep. She gripped his hand tighter, knowing that she could have lost him today. Suddenly, Kathryn felt overwhelmed and she lowered her eyes to where his hand lay in her lap, clasped within both of hers. This would not be the last time he would go on a dangerous mission without her. How many times would she sit beside his damaged body in sickbay? She felt a lump rising in her throat, but she pushed it back. _No_, she thought. _I won't give in to that fear_. As she raised her face to look at Chakotay's sleeping form once more, she felt a fierce determination creep over her. _I can't guarantee his safety or mine. I never could. But I can give him everything that I feel right here and right now. He might be taken from me tomorrow, or I from him, but we have this moment together. Right here. Right now. And even if that's all we have, I'm not going to waste one second of it._

Slowly, Kathryn stood and leaned over Chakotay's body, taking one of her hands and running it through his hair. She lovingly pressed her lips to his, and though his lips did not respond, they were warm and filled with life. She smiled, and this time the tears that threatened were tears of joy and gratitude. Bringing her mouth next to his hear, she whispered softly, "I love you."

Chakotay thought he felt something warm and soft on his lips as he slowly returned to consciousness. The feeling was familiar somehow, but he couldn't quite place it. He felt a tingle on his cheek as a strand of hair gently brushed his skin, and then he distinctly heard a soft voice whisper three words in his ear. At the sound of the voice, he forced his eyes to open, and as he turned his head towards the sound of the voice, he saw Kathryn straighten and look down at him anxiously. His vision remained slightly blurred, and his head was pounding. He found it difficult to keep his eyes open, but he forced his lips into half a smile. "I love you, too." He closed his eyes again, for just one more moment. He heard the sound of footsteps as the Doctor came bustling over.

"Commander," he heard the EMH's brash tone. "I see that you're awake."

"Just barely, Doctor," he managed, opening his eyes to the harsh lights of sickbay once more.

"How are you feeling?"

"I've got one hell of a headache, but I'm all right." He closed his eyes again and felt the Doc press a hypospray to his neck.

"That should help with the pain, Commander." Almost instantly, the headache began to subside, and Chakotay opened his eyes and looked up at the EMH. "You suffered severe plasma burns and a minor concussion. A headache is only natural."

Chakotay propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Kathryn with sudden alarm. He had almost forgotten the mission that had landed him in sickbay in the first place. "Captain Janeway!" he exclaimed.

The Doctor looked befuddled for a moment, about to tell the first officer that the Captain was standing beside him, but Kathryn understood his exclamation and replied, "She contacted us and told us to beam you off the shuttle. When we retreated from the battle, we didn't detect her life signs. Your shuttle took heavy damage."

"So she's... dead?" Chakotay asked hesitantly.

Kathryn shrugged. "We'll never know. She may have initiated the transport and gotten home safely."

"I'm sure she did," he told her reassuringly. Janeway only shrugged again, and then moved hurriedly to place a hand on his back and grab his arm as he attempted to sit up on the bed.

"Commander, you really should rest," the EMH protested.

"You'll get no argument from me, Doc, but I'd like to go back to my quarters. That is, if you have no objection?" Janeway looked up at her first officer, inwardly smiling at his tactics. He seemed demure, willing to comply with the Doctor's wishes... and yet she knew that it was a ploy to get the Doctor to allow him out of sickbay. She'd have to try this approach next time _she_ wanted to get out of the EMH's clutches.

Studying the Commander's diffident expression, the Doctor reluctantly relented. "Very well, but come back and see me in the morning. If you feel any sharp pain or dizziness, contact me immediately."

"Of course, Doctor," said Chakotay, easing himself off the biobed, Kathryn's hand still clutching his arm for support. "And, thank you."

The Doctor virtually beamed at the appreciation which he so seldom received. "Oh, it's all in a day's work for the only Starfleet emergency medical hologram in the Delta Quadrant."

The Captain gave him a smile and replied, "Of course, Doctor." Then, as the EMH busied himself with his duties, Kathryn slid her arm around Chakotay's waist and let him place his arm around her shoulders for support. As she helped him back to his quarters, there was silence between them, but both of them enjoyed the closeness of the other, the warmth, the support, the bond that they could feel with no words at all.

...

Kathryn groaned in frustration. The appetizer was burnt. Why was it she had the worst luck with replicators? "I'm sorry," she said to the machine. "I'm going to be very nice to you from now on. Now, _please_, don't ruin the main dish." She programmed an old favorite for the main course and smoothed her hands over her coral dress. It had been one of Chakotay's favorite outfits from New Earth, and whenever she donned it, she wore it especially for him.

The chime to her quarters rang. "Come in." She checked the chronometer, feeling flustered. 1900. Why did he always have to be so infuriatingly on time? Chakotay entered, a bottle of champagne in one hand, and a single, pale, coral colored rose in the other. He handed the rose to her and kissed her cheek. "Aw," she said with a smile. "This dinner is supposed to be your celebration, not mine."

"Can't it be ours, Kathryn?" he asked with a sidelong grin as he replicated a small vase for the flower and placed it on the table, alongside the bottle of champagne. As soon as he had set them down, he moved swiftly towards her and took her in his arms, pressing his lips to hers in a gesture that was atypically romantic, even for him. She felt his fingers in her hair and his lips pressed against hers, and she felt her mouth responding to his, deepening the kiss as her arms snaked around his back and up the back of his neck. When he broke the kiss he took a small step back, not letting her out of his arms, but breaking away enough to study her. He could not mask the adoration or the hunger in his eyes. "You look beautiful tonight."

She couldn't help the blush that crept into her cheeks. "Thank you. I guess you're feeling better."

"I feel like a new man!" he exclaimed, stepping away from her and pounding on his chest like a primitive. "Ready to take on the universe."

She laughed, wagging a finger at him. "But are you ready to try my cooking?"

He forced his expression into mock-seriousness. "I don't know, Captain. Maybe we should have the Doctor standing by, just in case."

"Not if you want to spend the evening with me, Mister," Janeway answered, placing her hands on her hips. She gestured to the table, which was already set, and indicated for him to sit down. "You can open the champagne if you're looking for something to do."

He set himself to tearing the foil off the bottle as he asked, "What's for dinner?"

"Well, the appetizer was burnt, so I guess we'll just have to make do with a main course... and dessert..."

"Mmm." The cork made a satisfying pop as Chakotay extracted it from the neck of the bottle.

Kathryn stood at the replicator, hoping that her main dish wouldn't be as charred as the samosas she had planned for a starter. When the dish materialized, she breathed a sigh of relief and brought it to the table. "Vegetable biryani," she offered. "My grandmother's recipe."

"It smells good!" Chakotay said, teasing her by sounding surprised. She scowled as she served the biryani to each of them, and he poured the champagne. When they sat down across from each other, Chakotay raised his glass, "To Captain Janeway," he said. "May she find her way home." They clinked glasses and sipped in silence. Kathryn tried the food, and, to her surprise, it tasted almost as good as her grandmother's cooking. Chakotay teased that the meal was "almost palatable" but she knew him well enough to know that he really did like it.

They ate in silence for several moments, each absorbed in their own thoughts, before Kathryn finally spoke. "I can't stop thinking about her."

"The other Captain?"

Kathryn nodded. "I wish there was a way to know that she made it back safely."

"Why don't we just assume that she did?"

Janeway sighed. "It's not just that. She alluded to some terrible things that were going to happen to us. I wish she could have told me what."

Chakotay studied her. Over the past few years, he'd come to know every nuance of her face, every inflection of her voice, and he knew now that there was something more to this. "That's not the only thing that's bothering you, is it?"

Kathryn looked up at him, minor shock registering on her features. "How do you do that?" she asked with a small chuckle.

"Do what?"

"How do you know what I'm thinking before I do?"

He shrugged. "I know you."

They returned to their silence for a moment as she collected her thoughts and tried to figure out how to verbalize them. "I saw in her... what I could become... and I didn't like it. She was cynical and single-minded. I know I can be that way sometimes, but I don't ever want to be as jaded as she is, no matter how long we're stranded out here, no matter how badly I want to get this crew home... I don't ever want to lose my perspective." Looking at him earnestly, she reached across the table and took Chakotay's hand. "Will you help me with that?"

Putting down his fork, Chakotay reached over and took her other hand as well, squeezing tightly. "Of course I will."

She smiled and squeezed his hands one more time before letting go and reaching for her glass to take a sip. "She really is missing out, you know?"

She saw the beginnings of a coy smile spread across Chakotay's features. "Why is that?"

"She doesn't have you."

The honesty and simplicity of the statement surprised Chakotay; it was unusual for Kathryn to be so straightforward and direct about her feelings towards him. But rather than acknowledge how touched he was by the statement, he said, "We don't know what she's had to go through, live with... who she's seen die. We have no way of knowing how we might react under those circumstances."

"That's true. But there is one thing I'm certain of, and that's that we're stronger together."

This time, Chakotay did nothing to mask how deeply her words had affected him. Their dinner was unfinished, but it would keep. He walked around the table and took her hand, drawing her to sit on the sofa beside him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and drew her legs to rest over his knees. One of his hands strayed down to cover her knee, his fingers making lazy circles over the soft material of her dress. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "We did it, you know," he said softly.

"Did what?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

"I went on a life-threatening mission without you. It didn't compromise our abilities to make good command decisions. It didn't unnecessarily endanger the ship or the crew. The world didn't end."

She regarded him thoughtfully and repeated, "The world didn't end." Then, suddenly, she burst into joyous laughter, throwing her arms around his neck, pulling her body into his lap. His arms encircled her, holding her rib cage.

"Kathryn, what's so funny?"

She was no longer certain if she was laughing or crying. "We never had to take any of it seriously, did we?"

Still confused, but unable to help the grin that spread across his features in response to her laughter, he asked, "What do you mean?"

"This was here for the taking, for us, all that time before New Earth. We could have had it all along; we just didn't see it. All that time, we were the only ones who were in the way." Her laughter slowly subsided and she brought her body to face him fully, raising herself up onto her knees, straddling his lap. She took his face between her hands, brushing her thumbs over his cheeks, and looked deeply into his chocolate brown eyes, seeing his devotion, passion, promise, strength... everything he was, in that moment, and everything that she was to him. Slowly, she brought her face closer to his, so that their lips were almost touching, so that she could feel his breath mingling with hers. "Chakotay," she whispered, her voice barely audible, "I love you." And before he had a chance to respond, her lips had captured his in the sweetest kiss of promise he had ever known.


End file.
